Tag: #selfcare #selflove

Feeling safe and secure

In Anxiety & Fears, Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Emotions, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-care, Self-Development, Wellness

One of the conditions in modern societies that often contributes to stress and anxieties is feeling insecure, threatened, or unsafe. There are many other factors to stress, anxiety and emotional disturbances. But, I want to address issues close to my heart; intrapsychic safety and security. I want to specifically address feeling unsafe and insecure.

Feeling unsafe intrapsychically will inevitably convert to maladaptive behaviours and compulsivity. Feeling insecure intrapsychically often lead to a lack of confidence in one’s own abilities and skills and distrustful of others, and the world.

Generally, feelings are my friend, and I have made acquaintances with almost all of my emotions. I had come to accept feelings and emotions as a part of my experiences to be felt. I had embraced and incorporated feelings and emotions within my being. I have also allowed myself to mindfully and consciously express the feeling felt. I had even released inherited, trapped and preconception emotions, as well as unblocking heart-wall emotions. I had healed compound and post-traumatic emotional reverberation too. But, as an empath, I had learned the hard way how my feelings can still affect me, and most importantly, how other people’s emotions also impacted me. I had occasionally absorbed other people’s emotional resonances, and I had allowed that to affect me.

Feeling unsafe and insecure are intrapsychic emotions. They are the core woundings from a less than ideal early environment in childhood. But, we do not have to let the past define the present or the future. These feelings often stemmed from inconsistency, chaotic and dismissive attachment patterns from our caregivers. But, they are not to blame because they too were the victim of their core woundings.

Feeling unsafe arises when our external environment was hostile and threatening. A child may feel unsafe when their sense of self is physically or emotionally threatened. A child will also feel unsafe, lonely and abandoned when the caregiver is absent or when she is left alone for an extended period. If there is no one to mirror our being, we can lose sight of our beingness. The experiences can trigger body-memory retention, and their physiological response is usually a hypersensitivity to threats in the exterior world. Their fight/flight/freeze response is constantly on the alert and they are hypervigilant to fearful arousal. Imagine the toll this has on the body when it is permanently on alert.

Feeling insecure, succeed feeling unsafe. When feeling insecure, a child feels awkward and inadequate in their abilities, skills and resources. The child lacks confidence, have doubts and distrusts themself, others and the world. Thus, the child will grow up to seek validation from the exterior world, thinking it would soothe their inner sanctum. When we are insecure about ourselves, we compensate for the lacking by constantly looking for ways to feel safe and secure. We also compensate by avoiding situations or people, and we may become controlling, adopting perfectionistic traits, or have obsessive-compulsive behaviours. We will often look for what is missing within outside of ourselves. We do this by collecting (material) things, including having people around us that makes us feel good. Unfortunately, we will not fully soothe that void looking externally when our intrapsychic world is unsafe.

When I feel unsafe going someplace new, I used to make sure that I was early to the event. I would make sure that I arrived at least half an hour before the meeting to have time to settle down and relaxed. This behaviour allows me to feel like I was in control and it was a way of alleviating the discomfort, rather than looking at what was the cause. My strategy was to find ways to have control of situations or events. It was a strategy that worked for a time. Eventually, I had to look within to self-soothe.

In the perpetual cycle of self-fulling prophecy, a person seeks ways to feel safe and secure when feeling unsafe and insecure. However, you can find a way to self-soothe and settle the insecurity within the psyche. Here’s the good news. There are ways in which you can help yourself.

Here are some of the tools and techniques to help you build confidence, esteem and worth. They worked for me and I hope that they work for you too.

Make time for Self-care

Always put yourself first, you matter the most! This is not a selfish thought, but rather a self-care process. You have to look after number one (YOU). You have to move past caring for others first. Undoubtedly, we were conditioned to be considered, to be nice, to be kind to others. We were told to think of others, to be helpful and to be thoughtful of others. We were taught to believe that it matters what others think about us. But, in so doing, we neglected our own needs and care. I certainly thought that if I was helpful, nice and kind, somehow, I would feel safe in being altruistic.

However, it is more important that you treat yourself kindly through self-care rituals than being concerned with other’s people opinions. Self-care ritual is not simply just taking care of yourself physically, but also mentally too. Self-care mental constructs include positive words of affirmation for yourself, have compassion for mistakes of past events, and forgive yourself. For example, I have positive confirmations post-it notes all around the house to remind me of the positive qualities such as “I am safe!”, “I am comfortable in my skin!” etc.

Stop making excuses and start doing

When our external world is unsafe, we introspect and come to believe that our inner world is too. As we continue to think this way, we start to look for ways to feel safe and be safe. We tend to see threats when there are none. We make excuses for people, things and situations to minimise the threat, which may be imaginary. We may make excuses to change our behaviours and our mindsets because we are complacent in the familiar. This can keep us stuck in hypervigilant behaviours.

Change is inevitable and we should embrace it. If you have a resistance to change, start with something small. Perhaps begin with a small change of routine, such as change the direction to work. Walk on a different side of the road! When we start to take these small steps to change it gets easier.

Reframe the way you think

What we think, we will manifest because it was impressed in the mind. If you think that you are not safe, lacking in confidence or not worthy you are essentially broadcasting this unconsciously. We don’t consciously mean to send out these unconscious perceptions but we do, and we project it.

Have you ever experience discomfort or uneasiness in a situation with someone and you don’t know why? It is possible that that person had unconsciously broadcast messages to your unconsciousness. You cannot see it but it is there. Just like the radiowaves being broadcasted from a radio station, you cannot see the radio wave but it is there nonetheless.

Reframing your thinking style simply means reverting the way you think. If you tend to be pessimistic, revert this to be optimistic. It is simply about changing your automatic thoughts and make them conscious. You will need to watch what you think to reframe your thoughts. If you often find yourself saying that you cannot do something, change this to you can! It is about fake it until you make it.

Remind yourself that you are loved

When we feel unsafe, threatened or insecure it is often because the love is not there. Our feelings begin internally as a result of an external stimulus that we introject, but we could also be absorbing other’s people energy and emotion, unconsciously. We can protect ourselves and keep safe by reminding ourselves that we are loved. We are loved by God. We are loved by the Higher Power. We are loved and we can draw power from the universe to recharge our battery, just as we recharge our body through grounding.

We simply need to visualise ourselves being loved, imagine feeling loved, feeling protected and feeling safe within the loving embrace. Try it, find a quiet place, be still and silent. Close your eyes and imagine feeling loved. Even if you have not experienced love in your reality, you can still imagine what it would be like to have loving feelings for yourself. It might help to think about what you love, to experience loving feelings.

I love my inner child! I imagine her face, the innocent, the bright eyes and I recalled other special features to help me feel that love. It might help if you have a photo of the child that you were. Really see her/him. Feel the love for her/him. Take as long as you need. You will know the experience of love when tears well up in your eyes. It might take some practising especially if your experiences of love was absent or hostile or if you are not connected to the essence of your inner child.

Once you have experienced love for yourself, you can emit and project that love towards others. Then wait, watch and see that love returned to you. According to the Universal Law of Attraction, what we give out, we will attract.

With faith, hope and trust, you too can find your safety and security intrapsychically within your inner world. If you hold love and positive intention within your heart, you will receive what you give out.

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Bless the Stress

In Compassion, Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Emotions, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-care, Stress, Wellness

We cannot escape our daily stress as much as we want to eliminate the tension and pressure of life. In this month’s blog on stress awareness, I want to highlight the different aspects of stress, healthy vs unhealthy, stress types, including stress symptoms.

In everyday conversation, the word stress can conjure many different meanings to the speaker and the listener because of our subjective experiences. I might say that I’m stressed when I am under pressure at work or when other people put a strain on me.

A stressful situation for one person will inevitably be different. People are divergent and will have a different way to view or manage problems. From our lived experiences, these individuals can often draw upon their internal resources to cope with stress. However, it does not mean that you can’t learn to build your inner strength.

“Stress is a mental state; both emotional and physical arise due to tension, pressure or strain from an adverse or demanding person or situation.”

Stress is a mental state; both emotional and physical arise due to tension, pressure, or strain from an adverse or demanding person or situation. It is a drama in the psyche and manifested as a reaction, co-created into a reality. Any thoughts, conditions or circumstances can create stress in any person. I find that it is helpful first to check whether stress is healthy or unhealthy.

Healthy stress occurs in situations when your reaction is in proportion to the circumstance. For example, the day before an important job interview, you might be stressed because of additional urgent work requests from your line manager. The added pressure of the extra workload on top of nervousness for tomorrow’s interview is healthy stress when you can manage both challenges.

Unhealthy stress occurs when your reaction is out of proportion to the circumstance—sticking to the same scenario above. When stress overwhelmed the person, it becomes unhealthy. If this person becomes panicky and angry at the urgency of the request, combined with automatic negative thoughts of the must or should, and voila. The individual may make mistakes, creating unnecessary time constrain to the additional workload. The problem can quickly escalate and inundate the person’s feeling, emotions and reactions, magnifying the situation.

How we think and react can create or break the situation into a stressful or stress-free one. There are three main types of stress; acute, episodic and chronic. I shall now review the different kinds of stress in more details.

Acute stress is any situation that develops quickly but does not usually last longer than a month or so. The event is often severe due to an unexpected crisis or trauma, such as loss of a relationship, job or identity. If the symptoms persist longer, it could lead to a disorder, such as post-traumatic stress disorder. In which case, please, seek medical assistance from a qualified physician.

Episodic stress is any situation that frequently occurred, expected or unexpected. It often arises from recurring conditions that caused repeated stressful reaction. There may be a pattern to episodic stress, such as in the workplace, household, or specific person.

Chronic stress is any situation that causes prolonged emotional and psychological disturbances. In this situation, the stress may initially begin as acute stress, which became a problem over a long period of time, sometimes many years.

As you become aware of your stress level, you also need to know your stressful sources, whether internal or external. Any form of stress that lasts more than a week can become a problem if it is not processed. Processing begins internally within ourselves. We have to look within for the source of our emotional and psychological reaction to the situation. If you can start to take responsibilities for your stress and acknowledge the feelings, emotions, behaviours and reactions, you are on the road to change.

“Processing begins internally within ourselves.”

Unfortunately, we are the culprit for much of our stress as we can also put pressure on ourselves. A perfectionist may put pressure on herself to do a good job. Add a ‘must’, ‘should’ or ‘ought to’, ‘got to’ to the inner voice or belief, and you have the individual thinking, ‘I must do a good job’ or ‘I got to be good at my job’.

Sometimes knowing symptoms of any distress within yourself can be helpful, as you can check whether your reaction is in proportion or disproportion to the circumstance.

Some of the physiological symptoms of stress include:

Aches, pains and tense body or muscles.
Upset or knotted stomach, IBS, diarrhoea, constipation, sickness, nausea.
Low energy, tiredness, fatigue, sleeplessness.
Chest pain, rapid heartbeat, hotness, sweating, redness, feeling flush.
Headaches, earaches, dry mouth, clenched or grinding teeth, including a locked jaw.

Some of the emotional symptoms of stress include:

avoidance, avoiding others, avoiding confrontation.
Depression, low moods, or moodiness.
Anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, or feeling panicked.
Irritability, anger, frustration, anger and aggressive outbursts.
Loneliness, isolation, feeling like a failure, feeling useless.

Some of the cognitive symptoms of stress include:

Problem focusing, concentrating or thinking.
Poor judgement, or make an incorrect decision due to panicking.
Worrying, obsessing or compulsivity.
Constantly ruminating about the negatives.
Have doubts about one’s ability, knowledge and skills.
Unable to make a decision, unsure and uncertain about making decisions.
Thinking about old stresses and past events.

Some of the behavioural symptoms of stress include:

Nervousness, twitching, nail-biting, teeth grinding, pacing etc.
Being jumpy, shaky or freezes in reaction to situation, person or circumstance.
Prone to violence, hostility, disruptive or defiance behaviour, including sabotage.
Increase or decrease food consumption.
Increase consumption of alcohol, smoking or drug use.
Increase compulsivity for exercise, gambling, or other maladaptive behaviours.
Self-harming.

The thing to note is that you can learn to manage your stress. Everyone can learn how to cope with their emotional, physical stress. We are all capable of re-educating ourselves. Learning to discover something new out ourselves is a joy. I had found that you can make learning fun, exciting, explorative and curious. Suppose you can hold this concept when you learn about yourself in a stressful situation. In that case, you will become appreciative and compassionate about yourself and the stresses around you because you are not your stress. Here are a few pointers:

Know your triggers

Knowing your trigger will help you notice your stress pattern. Knowing this fact may be helpful to master your internal emotional reaction in a stressful situation. Knowing is an acknowledgement or awareness of what was previously elusive to you. It is about being conscious of what was unconscious about you.

One of my triggers used to be that I was highly anxious about travelling to someplace new without knowing where to park. The stress of finding a parking space was thought-provoking. I was worried about not finding a spot to park safely. I was maximising the problem by creating a traffic jam within my mind. I was anxious about being late as a result of not finding a safe spot for the car.

Know your reactions

Know your reaction will help you notice how you were in the situation. Knowing this fact may help you see, feel, or think about your response and healthy or unhealthy. Knowing that will help you sense how you are within yourself and how you responded to the situation, including those around you. Knowing this will help you decide whether or not you might need to change and try reacting differently.

In the stressful situation above, I would create a dramatised, visualised scenes. My mind could create a drama. I imagined driving around, looking for the perfect spot for the car. I would imagine an accident or road work creating a delay in my travel. I could feel myself walking in the meeting late, being hot and bothered.

Know your thoughts

Knowing what you think about will help you make sense of your inner voice. Listening to what you say and how you talk to yourself in a stressful situation will help you become in control of the situation, rather than allowing the problem to control you. We are often overly critical of ourselves. We can be the harshest critique. But, if we can be compassionate and kinder to ourselves, we can be free of the thoughts and let them go easier.

In my mind, in the above situation, I was critical. I used to say that I was a drama queen! I used to say that I was attention-seeking as I ran into class late. I used to think that I was unorganised, chaotic and unable to prioritise. I used to believe that I would be ‘told off’ if I was ever late for appointments.

Learn to speak to yourself differently

Now, try learning to speak to yourself differently. If you used to shout at yourself internally, why not try speaking softly this time. Hopefully, you will notice that the impact is dramatically reduced. You may start to notice an alternate feeling associated with the gentle inner voice. You also may hear yourself speaking using contrasting words, kinder and loving expression. The change begins with small and enlarges, like a ripple.

I noticed my inner critique, and I named her. The inner voice was familiar. I recognised her from before. She was an archetype of someone in the long distant past. Naming her helped me to notice her, and thus I became aware of how she had created the inner stress, which manifested in situations in my external world. She had been the causes of my tensions. When I noticed that, I noted that I had choices. I chose to change her tone, and I chose to look at her different until I see her in a different light.

Having an awareness of your stress can be helpful in most situation or circumstance, but it is also a great way to learn something new about yourself.

After all, learning something new about the self is especially exciting to psychological growth and spiritual development.

“Stress begins like a ripple. It starts of small but can quickly turn into somthing larger and bigger.”

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Heal while you sleep

In Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Motivation, Self Help, Self-care, Self-Development, Sleep, Wellness

Generally, it is recommended that we have at least eight hours of sleep a night. That’s a third of our 24-hours day. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always get eight hours, even if I get to bed at a reasonable time. Why do many of us have trouble sleeping? I want to address this a little closer.

“Sleep is the best medicine.” – Dalia Lama.

Sleep is essential, and there are many health benefits. There are lots of literature on this topic and many helpful articles. Some of the advantages of a good night sleep include; rested body and rested mind, improve memory, concentration and cognitive functions, lower your blood pressure, reduces heart diseases, stress, depression and increase immunity. You will also be happy to know that a restful sleep can lead to weight loss as your body continues to produce hormones ghrelin and leptin while you enjoy your slumber.

During the nocturnal hours, your body’s naturally crave sleep because your internal biological clock or the circadian rhythm is synchronised with the day/night cycle of the diurnal rhythm. The circadian rhythms determine our physical, mental and behaviour changes in the flow of the 24-hour cycle. It is essentially your internal biological body clock. Whereas the diurnal cycle is any environmental pattern that recurs every 24 hours as one full rotation, such as the day/night or the high/low tide. Thus, it can be seen as an external environmental clock.

When these two rhythms are synchronised, your mind, body and state will benefit from nature therapy. As you sleep, your body works to repair your internal organs, muscles, cells and regenerates. Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the pineal gland during sleep. Deep in the brain, near the epithalamus, situated above the thalamus, is the pineal gland, also known as the ‘third eye’. Melatonin also helps to control your circadian rhythm and regulates health and healing hormones. Thus, you can heal yourself during your sleep.

There are many reasons why people experience sleeping problems from mild, acute to chronic sleep disorders such as insomnia, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome or REM sleep behaviour disorder such as sleepwalking.

The inability to sleep or sleep well at night depends on your internal and external stressors, mental states, food that you have eaten and health condition. Many other factors also prevent us from sleeping, include anxieties, traumas and crises can interfere with our sleep habit as we lay down to rest. Unfortunately, this cacophony rings in our mind, and it can ruminate in the psyche as we sleep, becoming a nightmare that disrupts our natural healing process. If you take your woes to bed, when you close your eyes and managed to get a wink of sleep, it won’t be long before the problem invades your dreams. What you mentally think about will become your mental reality within the dream state.

Many of us have trouble sleeping because we take these problems to bed with us. I’ve done it. I had a bad day and could not shake off something that happened that day. As I replayed these in my mind, in bed, they became my nightmare.

Have you ever gone to bed after an argument? Or, after emotional distress such as being made redundant, how did you sleep? Restless, I wager.

How to heal yourself in your sleep? Let me share what works for me.

Pre-bedtime slow down

Have a goal in mind for your bedtime (sleep time). This is a time that you want to be in bed, lights out, eyes shut and breathing easily.

Make your preparation for slowing down and winding down. Begin to relax.

Have a glass or bottle of water ready for bedtime, if required.

Keep other electronics blue lights out of the bedroom, as this disrupts the sleep cycle. Turn off electronic devices.

Brush your teeth and have your comfort break. I often find that washing my face often help. If you are a night-time shower person, this works, as water is soothing and calming.

Get into your PJ if you wear clothes to bed.

Build a bedtime ritual that works for you

I firmly believe that rituals are helpful. Have a bedtime routine and pattern that you stick to help you build a structure around your sleeping habit. I cannot stress the importance of sticking to your routines and think positively about enjoying the mundane.

For me, I have a bedtime alarm set daily at 22.00 hour. This gives me half an hour of downtime before I get in bed at 22.30.

Make time for relaxation or meditation before bedtime

I give myself around 10-15 minutes for relaxation. In that time, I may mediate or listen to soothing, relaxing music to ease myself to sleep. You might find my Evening Review meditation script helpful. Some people watch TV in bed, I think it is a personal choice for everyone. Some people read to relax. The trick here is not to be engrossed in the activity.

Self-Hypnosis and breathing

By 23.00, lights out for me, regardless of whether my husband or I am ready. I turned off the light.

I have trained myself to sleep as soon as my head is on the pillow. I can be fast asleep almost immediately in bed. But occasionally, might not be able to get to sleep. I noticed that I had ruminated over some event during the day or upcoming. In this instance, I recite my script and begin self-hypnosis or observe my breathing. I focused on my breathing, the rise and fall of each breath, and counted backwards from 100 to 1. I have never reached number one because I was always asleep way before this.

Then, you simply allow the body to do the rest. The more you relax when you are in bed, the more your body heal. God bless, sleep tight.

However, I am aware that some people have adverse experiences due to historical trauma and wounding. If this is your case, I would recommend seeking further help through counselling, as these bedbugs will continue to disrupt your sleep.

“Sleep is the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together..” – Thomas Dekker.

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Loving oneself is Self-care

In Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-care, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

As a therapist, self-care is an essential ritual for lone workers. We were advised that self-care practices are necessary for the body, mind and spirit. I have always make time for daily routines which helped me balance work, life, and personal joy.

Self-care aims to relax, unwind, and maintain a healthy state of being with oneself and one-spirit. It is a set of routines and practices that help to boost physical, psychological and emotional states. Think of self-care as healing practices for the body, mind and soul. The nurturing ritual helps prevent exertion, exhaustion and burnt-out. Self-care strategy will be different for everyone because it has a purpose attached to the practice. Some people find running as a self-care ritual more useful than others. Some people prefer a relaxing bubble bath with soothing music. And some prefer to be comfortable by the fire. Whatever the ritual, it is vital to adopt self-care practices that work for you.

There are many examples of self-care, including regular exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, be in nature and taking frequent breaks or rest. But, it might help to think of self-care as a fun part of your daily ritual, rather than something you are compelled to do, like a chore. I emphasise fun and playful activities that you enjoy on a daily basis because sometimes we think of self-care only periodically.

Thus, I am sharing some of my essential daily self-care rituals here. I hope you find it helpful, and perhaps it might inspire to think of your own.

Make time for yourself.

One of the important thing for me is me-time. It is a time set aside to be alone with your thoughts, with your feeling and emotion, whatever they may be. It is a time that I am still, contemplative and peaceful. I often do this outside, standing in nature watching, listening to birds or the howling of the wind. Feeling the cool breeze on my face, I stood appreciatively. Making time to appreciate being with oneself in the stillness. It is about being alone with the whole of yourself. This is simply about making time to be.

Make time for meditation

Meditation is about an observation of the stillness within and of the mind. It is about being with that stillness and being inside our psyche. There is a misconception that busy-mind makes meditation difficult, and it is not just about the breath. But, this is precisely when one should consider meditation. Meditation is a tool to help the busy-ness of the mind and listen to our internal voices, and that is when you become aware of your breathing.

You can do meditation almost anywhere, but not while operating any machine or driving. You can do walking meditation, sitting down meditation and laying down meditation.

The mind never sleeps. The conscious mind is continually evaluating the input from our senses. The unconscious mind never shut off because it automates body regulatory, circuitry systems, such as keeping a steady sinus rhythm. Meditation is a state of being still in the body so that you can go within the psyche to observe thoughts, listen to what you are thinking about and notice comes up for you when cognitively being aware of what is in your mind. What you think you will manifest. Be sure to think only positive thoughts.

Have love in your heart

Self-care is about self-love and loving oneself and one’s shadows. Tell yourself that you love yourself is not narcissistic unless you adversely admire yourself adoringly. This is more of a confirmation for self to build inner confidence. It is also about one part of yourself telling another part that you love the unloveable. I think that if we can express self-love, we can then express that love to another. We have to hold love ourself before we can demonstrate love another. In so doing, we can know intimately how we feel loved, then we can share it.

A loving act for me includes feeling joyful, having fun and laughing at myself, lovingly. It is ultimately a knowing that you embrace with heart and soul. It is enough to say things like; I love my hair today, I love how I handle that argument today, I love the way I spoke my truth, even though not everyone agreed. It is quite alright to say; I love my voice, I love my flaws, etc. Whatever you dislike about yourself, try to reverberate your thoughts by expressing and vocalising your love, out loud.

Find a way to have fun or something that makes you smile.

This is my favourite, and every day is an exciting challenge (and I say this with a smile) to find or do. It is often fun that put a smile on my face and on those of another. It does not take much. A friend once said to me:

“A smile begins with you.”

I smiled when I walked around the house, and my cuddlies are moved from the bed. The plush toys would appear in the room when my back is turned. My husband moved them into the room I happened to be, of course. Then, I walked them back to another auspicious location where they will be found by him. We have this game throughout the day, and it is fun for both of us. I may be watching the dishes, and then my favourite plush toy appears on the table behind me. These are moments of joy.

“Smile and the whole world will smile with you.” – Stanley Gordon West.

Doing something fun for me is simply doing something that makes me and another smile, laugh and affectionate. Doing something nice for another to make them smile or laugh always bring a smile to my face. It will be different for everyone, and it is deeply personal and subjective. I also find rearranging my house fun. It is both practical and catharsis as I let go of the old. I find pottering fun as I get my hands dirty in the dirt, connecting to the Earth helps ground me to Gaia. I find filing fun as I mindfully organise paperwork. And I also find making soup fun.

What is your fun?

Find your grooming ritual

A healthy body equals a healthy mind. I love spending time painting my toenails, but not my fingernails so much. I find that self-care is also body-care. I like my hair brushed, despite leaving long strand all around the house. Sometimes, I think we take grooming for granted because we do it every day. But, if you contemplate your grooming acts, notice how much more enjoyable it is. For me, each brushstroke is a sensation that I feel energetically, as an individual strand of hair is being stroked.

It is essential to maintain a healthy body through a grooming ritual. I love getting my hair wash, cut and blow-dry. But, the feel of water on my skin really what I love.

Water has healing nourishing and nurturing properties, which is why it is used in many religious rituals. Next time you are in the shower, feel the sensation of each water droplets on your skin.

Self-grooming is both holistic and therapeutic for the body, mind and spirit. When the body feels good, so does the mind. You know what makes you feel good when it comes to taking care of your body. It is merely to do more of that.

Organise your space

Personally, I feel that organising the physical space in the home, work and life gives me a sense of orderliness. But it is more than neatness, cleanliness and tidiness. It helps me manage the internal psyche if my physical space is clutter-free and systematic. It is a way to methodically organise my internal world if my outer world is orderly. I’d already mentioned that it is fun to rearrange my bookcases, clothes, kitchen cupboards etc. It is also therapeutic to organise the spaces around me, as I, mindfully, restructure my outer world. Moreover, in the organisation, I am also letting go of the tension, stress and worries that were attached to the material items. Yet, it is also about rearranging the space, files or library of repertoire, in the mind, as well as the physical space.

With the looming uncertainties within the outer world, there is a clear need for self-care rituals. Especially when we are currently in another lockdown and our days, weeks are becoming a blur. As each day blend into yet another day, the mundane can become repetitive, and we can lose track of the days. It is more crucial than ever to maintain a healthy mindset with self-care rituals that work for you. If you can tap into your creativity, why not make the mundane into something fun. Perhaps you like dancing, why not dance around while you work. Perhaps you like singing, sing while you work. You know where I am going with this.

So, what are you waiting for? Get creative and find your self-care rituals. I’d love to hear what works for you.

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Behind the Covid-19 mask lies another dilemma

In Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

Don’t let wearing the COVID mask becomes your norm

“Virtue has a veil, vice is a mask.” – Victor Hugo

At the beginning of the year, some people began wearing masks as a prevention to the COVID-19 epidemic. However, as we start to realise very quickly how our lives have changed and will continue to change. What we used to know as ‘normal’ is no longer. Out with the old and in with the new, I’d say.

The experiences, feelings and emotions felt during those months of isolation can be overwhelming. The loneliness and isolation can be difficult for many people. The longing and yearning kick in, as a human being is essentially a social animal.

After months of lockdown, how can we begin to start venturing out? Some people are excited by finally being allowed to socialise again. Some people are still cautious and only go out to meet family and friends. Some people go out without care. However, many people manage to leave mindfully with respect and considerations for others by wearing masks.

“Nothing is more real than the masks we put on to show each other who we are.” – Christopher Barzak

I want to discuss the concept of masking in Psychology further.

Masking is a process which an individual uses as a way to deflect, hide or conceal their natural personality, traits and attitude to conform to the socially acceptable behaviours, depending on culture and societies in which we live. On many occasions, we are often unaware that we are even wearing a mask because of the way we were taught and learned. When we’d been conditioned to behave, think, or act in a particular manner, we can become so accustomed to masking that we might have difficulties finding our true Self. Just another actor acting out a part!

I could go into the psychological benefits behind why people preferred to wear a mask, but I don’t believe that it would be helpful to further strengthen the person’s psyche. What I prefer to do is to look at the positives and address the usefulness of removing our masks.

“When you wear a mask for so long, you forget who you are beneath it.” – Alan Moore

Some of those benefits include becoming authentic in your way of being, becoming open to directly ‘see’ the person with your heartfelt ‘sight’. When we are not wearing our masks, we are opened to our vulnerability, which is a positive quality, rather than defensively thinking that it is negative. It is when you are not coveted that you can expand your senses with a wider peripheral sensory acuity. Thus, when the masks are removed, you can see the world with Shoshin’s eyes. I’d come to these conclusions from years of training, experiences and dealing with personal challenges.

Fear not, I can offer some helpful tips to those individuals who’d like to remove their (psychological) masks – but keep the COVID-19 cover on (for now). Here’s how:

- - Be responsible for your action, reaction and behaviours

Taking ownership of anything that you do or say is one of the most empowering ways of removing the mask of your false Self. It is a simple act of Self-expression, and it is altruistic in your demonstration of transparency and honesty in the interaction with another.

- - Acknowledge your flaws and learn to love them

If you think that your bum looks big, or your belly is bloated, either do something healthily about it or learn and find a way to like your body. If you dislike your imperfections and flaws, you probably need to internally reflect on your belief systems. Acknowledging your flaws and learning to love them is a form of acceptance and love for the Self. Ask yourself, is it possible to be perfect all the time? Is it possible to expect that you need to do something perfectly each time? What a waste of your energy because it is practically impossible. Everyone, everywhere have flaws.

- - Find your Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance can take time to develop. It is with patient, understanding and love that you can find a way to accept yourself and things you dislike within or without. Find a way to assent to yourself, your body, your self-image, your abilities and skills, including your limitations. To have acceptance is to accept the positive and the negative about yourself as the way you are without having to change, do or act differently in situations. Acceptance is the acquiescence of Self – the Latin acquiēscere (to find rest in).

- - Discover Self-love

This is my most favourite, discovering Self-love. It is the most rewarding, with warmth and positive energies. It is also one that most people often find it difficult to express or acknowledge. Before starting my counselling/psychotherapy training, it was undoubtedly amiss. But, it is never ever too late to discover Self-love, whatever life position you are at. Love starts with you when you find your self-love, you will emit love for others and the world unless of course, you have a heart-wall (an energetic blockage to the heart). Self-love comes with many omnipotent experiences such as joy, happiness, playfulness, spontaneity and many more. Self-love also acknowledges all of the above.

- - Smile at yourself, and at your faults

Even if you don’t feel like smiling at yourself, it is worth doing it. See for yourself! Smile into a mirror and see inside yourself. What do you feel? If you feel positive, even though you have scars, stretch marks, birthmarks etc. then you are on the way to removing those pesky masks.

There are many other ways to take your masks off. Perhaps you have found another helpful way that works for you. I’d love to hear about some of the things that work for you.

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