Maintaining a healthy work-life balance can help reduce stress, give us a sense of stability, steadiness and improved wellness. Having a balance of everything is essential for equilibrium, like the Yin and Yang. When our attention and focus is drawn to one thing over then another, it creates inequality and imbalances in our lives. Here’s how to maintain a healthy equilibrium, especially as many of us are moving toward working from home as our new norm.
Prioritise your time – set your working time and be disciplined to adhere to the working hours. If you have a 9-5 worker, be sure to stick to your schedule. Once, outside this time, you have to ensure that you do not go back to deal with any work issues. Outside your work time, be sure to have fun doing anything that brings you joy and laughter.
Notice where your attention goes, your energy follows – check your inner world. You might not be working outside your working hours, but you might find it difficult to ‘shut off’. If your attention is still in work, then you will energetically have an emotional response to this.
Setting your boundaries – create a separateness between your workspace and the home life. If you don’t have a home office, you might be working on the dining table. When you finish your workday, pack away your office equipment and have clear and separate boundaries between the two activities. You need to have personal and relaxing time outside the work hours.
Have some flexibility with your time boundary – even though you set yourself a working timetable, maintain a flexible approach to your working pattern. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you have to respond to some urgent personal issues. If you need to work later one day, don’t beat yourself up.
Be mindful of your schedule – the mindfulness act helps bring awareness to consciousness. It gives us a realisation of our habitual behaviour patterns.
Keep a healthy mental perception – positive thinking helps improve our wellbeing. A healthy mental perception might include a positive outlook, helpful inner dialogue and having self-compassion when your workload tipped unfavourably.
Find your rhythm – find your balance and explore what works and what doesn’t. You might decide to attend an exercise class one day during the week, but it means finishing half an hour earlier that day. Find another day that you can sacrifice working half an hour later. Keep the momentum going. When you find that happy balance, keep going and do more of it.
Take regular breaks, take some time off – be sure to take regular breaks and lunch in your working day. We forget to take time out during the working hours when we’re at home. We may become self-conscious of our productivity. We may be fearful when working from home. Don’t feel guilty about breaks or rest. Don’t feel bad if you need to pop down to the shop to get lunch. Do take some time off even though you work from home. You do need the time away from the pressure of work.
“The secret to wellness is having a healthy balance in your life.”
Protecting yourself is an essential concept to Self-care and wellness. As summer is approaching and the lockdown is coming to an end, we naturally will venture out and resume our normal lives. We might get carried away and become complacent with the joy that comes with excellent weather. However, there is something wonderfully refreshing about the summer’s months within the UK, where the sun is warm, inviting and energising. It is also a time for play, fun, and joy as we bask in the heat. As we gathered outdoors in the sunlight, our mental health improves with the ambience as vitamin D production increases, lowers blood pressure, improves moods, and promotes mental wellness.
Thus, summer is the time of life and living.
Nonetheless, we still need to take care of our subtle energy body, even though our physical and mental bodies may improve. I am referring to protecting your energy and spirit body just as the precaution that most of us will take to protect our physical body from the blazing heat. Energy protection is a form of protection that anyone can do and incorporate into their daily life with minimal effort.
We recognised that taking care of our physical body is essential to physical and mental wellness. It is also equally important to take care of our energetic body and our spirit body.
Our physical body is made up of energy. Our emotions are energy. Everything is energy, and energy is everywhere. Emotions have energy. Our thoughts, whether it is conscious or unconscious, have an energy signature. Science has indicated that the human body is made up of atoms, protons and molecules. It may be difficult for some to comprehend, but the evidence is clear. It is a matter of whether you choose to believe it or not. Of course, there are always disbelievers when it comes to something that one cannot see. But, just like the air you breathe, energy is also invisible, and nonetheless, it exists.
“Energy is everything and everywhere. You are made up of energy. Your emotions have an energy signature. You thoughts have an energy frequency. Energy cannot be eliminated and nor can you get rid of it. It can only be transformed.”
However, if you are remotely curious, please read on. Energy healing and energy work is something that I have embraced quite by chance for a logical and analytical person. As with most people, I was certainly taught to be logical within the educational establishments where our knowledge and skills are measured by grades. If I could scientifically and clinically prove it, then it was believable. But, as I continued into further studies, I realised that there are things that one cannot explain with science.
However, energy can be explained by science. Energy is generated when there is an exertion of power or force, according to physicists. The quantitative law determines the exchanges of dynamic force in a reaction to cause and effect.
Thus, according to thermodynamics, energy cannot be destroyed or created. But, it will naturally change state. We gain energy through chemical reactions and emotional responses. But, we also lose energy through eliminating waste, changes in temperature and heat loss. Energy will be transformed, transferred, distributed or dispersed to dissolve its form. The energy within our bodies can become lodged and stuck within our energy field when we are in distress. Therefore, protecting ourselves from energy interferences are essentials for physical, emotional, psychological, mental wellbeing.
So, with summers coming, I want to share some of the ways you can protect your energy that has proven useful to me.
Get in touch with your emotions – state your feelings and emotions by naming them. Acknowledge your emotions and feelings and bear with them. If you suppress or repress it, they will come back time and time again.
Say a little prayer. I found it most helpful to ask for help. I say a silent prayer just before bedtime, during a stroll, or while sitting or contemplating to ask for divine guidance. Ask for a sign that will help you in your healing journey or ask for a sign to show you what you need to do to eliminate energy zapper.
Ground yourself with meditation – seek to recharge your energy by tapping into the Earth’s energy with this meditation.
Energy clearing practice – take some time to get yourself recharged with this energy clearing technique.
Stay healthy, eat well and live long – eat a balanced and nutritional diet. Avoid excess processed food, junk food, caffeine, excess sugar or salt or food high in calories.
Make sure you get enough sleep – an adult requires about seven hours of sleep per night. A good nights sleep is essential for our mental, emotional and physical health.
Make sure you exercise regularly – try twenty minutes of exercise per day.
Limit your alcohol intake.
Take up leisure activities or hobbies – having that interest you will help you recharge an energetic battery. Doing something joyful or fun have a positive effect on your soul.
Stay hydrated – make sure that you stay cool and hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Water is the elixir of life.
Smudge your energetic body and your environment. You can either use a smudge herb stick or spray.
It might be helpful if you can incorporate an energy cleansing activity into your daily ritual. You will find it easier to do and you won’t need to think of it as a chore if you build the activity in your life. You can begin to see subtle differences over time, or you might see a dramatic difference rightaway if your energy is stagnant.
When you are doing energy work, you will feel the sensations such as a wave of heat through your body as you are recharged. You might feel a surge of tingling, prickly sensation or a rush of goosebumps in a specific area or all over the body as you bathe in the energy field.
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We cannot escape our daily stress as much as we want to eliminate the tension and pressure of life. In this month’s blog on stress awareness, I want to highlight the different aspects of stress, healthy vs unhealthy, stress types, including stress symptoms.
In everyday conversation, the word stress can conjure many different meanings to the speaker and the listener because of our subjective experiences. I might say that I’m stressed when I am under pressure at work or when other people put a strain on me.
A stressful situation for one person will inevitably be different. People are divergent and will have a different way to view or manage problems. From our lived experiences, these individuals can often draw upon their internal resources to cope with stress. However, it does not mean that you can’t learn to build your inner strength.
“Stress is a mental state; both emotional and physical arise due to tension, pressure or strain from an adverse or demanding person or situation.”
Stress is a mental state; both emotional and physical arise due to tension, pressure, or strain from an adverse or demanding person or situation. It is a drama in the psyche and manifested as a reaction, co-created into a reality. Any thoughts, conditions or circumstances can create stress in any person. I find that it is helpful first to check whether stress is healthy or unhealthy.
Healthy stress occurs in situations when your reaction is in proportion to the circumstance. For example, the day before an important job interview, you might be stressed because of additional urgent work requests from your line manager. The added pressure of the extra workload on top of nervousness for tomorrow’s interview is healthy stress when you can manage both challenges.
Unhealthy stress occurs when your reaction is out of proportion to the circumstance—sticking to the same scenario above. When stress overwhelmed the person, it becomes unhealthy. If this person becomes panicky and angry at the urgency of the request, combined with automatic negative thoughts of the must or should, and voila. The individual may make mistakes, creating unnecessary time constrain to the additional workload. The problem can quickly escalate and inundate the person’s feeling, emotions and reactions, magnifying the situation.
How we think and react can create or break the situation into a stressful or stress-free one. There are three main types of stress; acute, episodic and chronic. I shall now review the different kinds of stress in more details.
Acute stress is any situation that develops quickly but does not usually last longer than a month or so. The event is often severe due to an unexpected crisis or trauma, such as loss of a relationship, job or identity. If the symptoms persist longer, it could lead to a disorder, such as post-traumatic stress disorder. In which case, please, seek medical assistance from a qualified physician.
Episodic stress is any situation that frequently occurred, expected or unexpected. It often arises from recurring conditions that caused repeated stressful reaction. There may be a pattern to episodic stress, such as in the workplace, household, or specific person.
Chronic stress is any situation that causes prolonged emotional and psychological disturbances. In this situation, the stress may initially begin as acute stress, which became a problem over a long period of time, sometimes many years.
As you become aware of your stress level, you also need to know your stressful sources, whether internal or external. Any form of stress that lasts more than a week can become a problem if it is not processed. Processing begins internally within ourselves. We have to look within for the source of our emotional and psychological reaction to the situation. If you can start to take responsibilities for your stress and acknowledge the feelings, emotions, behaviours and reactions, you are on the road to change.
“Processing begins internally within ourselves.”
Unfortunately, we are the culprit for much of our stress as we can also put pressure on ourselves. A perfectionist may put pressure on herself to do a good job. Add a ‘must’, ‘should’ or ‘ought to’, ‘got to’ to the inner voice or belief, and you have the individual thinking, ‘I must do a good job’ or ‘I got to be good at my job’.
Sometimes knowing symptoms of any distress within yourself can be helpful, as you can check whether your reaction is in proportion or disproportion to the circumstance.
Some of the physiological symptoms of stress include:
Aches, pains and tense body or muscles.
Upset or knotted stomach, IBS, diarrhoea, constipation, sickness, nausea.
Anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, or feeling panicked.
Irritability, anger, frustration, anger and aggressive outbursts.
Loneliness, isolation, feeling like a failure, feeling useless.
Some of the cognitive symptoms of stress include:
Problem focusing, concentrating or thinking.
Poor judgement, or make an incorrect decision due to panicking.
Worrying, obsessing or compulsivity.
Constantly ruminating about the negatives.
Have doubts about one’s ability, knowledge and skills.
Unable to make a decision, unsure and uncertain about making decisions.
Thinking about old stresses and past events.
Some of the behavioural symptoms of stress include:
Nervousness, twitching, nail-biting, teeth grinding, pacing etc.
Being jumpy, shaky or freezes in reaction to situation, person or circumstance.
Prone to violence, hostility, disruptive or defiance behaviour, including sabotage.
Increase or decrease food consumption.
Increase consumption of alcohol, smoking or drug use.
Increase compulsivity for exercise, gambling, or other maladaptive behaviours.
Self-harming.
The thing to note is that you can learn to manage your stress. Everyone can learn how to cope with their emotional, physical stress. We are all capable of re-educating ourselves. Learning to discover something new out ourselves is a joy. I had found that you can make learning fun, exciting, explorative and curious. Suppose you can hold this concept when you learn about yourself in a stressful situation. In that case, you will become appreciative and compassionate about yourself and the stresses around you because you are not your stress. Here are a few pointers:
Know your triggers
Knowing your trigger will help you notice your stress pattern. Knowing this fact may be helpful to master your internal emotional reaction in a stressful situation. Knowing is an acknowledgement or awareness of what was previously elusive to you. It is about being conscious of what was unconscious about you.
One of my triggers used to be that I was highly anxious about travelling to someplace new without knowing where to park. The stress of finding a parking space was thought-provoking. I was worried about not finding a spot to park safely. I was maximising the problem by creating a traffic jam within my mind. I was anxious about being late as a result of not finding a safe spot for the car.
Know your reactions
Know your reaction will help you notice how you were in the situation. Knowing this fact may help you see, feel, or think about your response and healthy or unhealthy. Knowing that will help you sense how you are within yourself and how you responded to the situation, including those around you. Knowing this will help you decide whether or not you might need to change and try reacting differently.
In the stressful situation above, I would create a dramatised, visualised scenes. My mind could create a drama. I imagined driving around, looking for the perfect spot for the car. I would imagine an accident or road work creating a delay in my travel. I could feel myself walking in the meeting late, being hot and bothered.
Know your thoughts
Knowing what you think about will help you make sense of your inner voice. Listening to what you say and how you talk to yourself in a stressful situation will help you become in control of the situation, rather than allowing the problem to control you. We are often overly critical of ourselves. We can be the harshest critique. But, if we can be compassionate and kinder to ourselves, we can be free of the thoughts and let them go easier.
In my mind, in the above situation, I was critical. I used to say that I was a drama queen! I used to say that I was attention-seeking as I ran into class late. I used to think that I was unorganised, chaotic and unable to prioritise. I used to believe that I would be ‘told off’ if I was ever late for appointments.
Learn to speak to yourself differently
Now, try learning to speak to yourself differently. If you used to shout at yourself internally, why not try speaking softly this time. Hopefully, you will notice that the impact is dramatically reduced. You may start to notice an alternate feeling associated with the gentle inner voice. You also may hear yourself speaking using contrasting words, kinder and loving expression. The change begins with small and enlarges, like a ripple.
I noticed my inner critique, and I named her. The inner voice was familiar. I recognised her from before. She was an archetype of someone in the long distant past. Naming her helped me to notice her, and thus I became aware of how she had created the inner stress, which manifested in situations in my external world. She had been the causes of my tensions. When I noticed that, I noted that I had choices. I chose to change her tone, and I chose to look at her different until I see her in a different light.
Having an awareness of your stress can be helpful in most situation or circumstance, but it is also a great way to learn something new about yourself.
After all, learning something new about the self is especially exciting to psychological growth and spiritual development.
“Stress begins like a ripple. It starts of small but can quickly turn into somthing larger and bigger.”
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Generally, it is recommended that we have at least eight hours of sleep a night. That’s a third of our 24-hours day. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always get eight hours, even if I get to bed at a reasonable time. Why do many of us have trouble sleeping? I want to address this a little closer.
“Sleep is the best medicine.” – Dalia Lama.
Sleep is essential, and there are many health benefits. There are lots of literature on this topic and many helpful articles. Some of the advantages of a good night sleep include; rested body and rested mind, improve memory, concentration and cognitive functions, lower your blood pressure, reduces heart diseases, stress, depression and increase immunity. You will also be happy to know that a restful sleep can lead to weight loss as your body continues to produce hormones ghrelin and leptin while you enjoy your slumber.
During the nocturnal hours, your body’s naturally crave sleep because your internal biological clock or the circadian rhythm is synchronised with the day/night cycle of the diurnal rhythm. The circadian rhythms determine our physical, mental and behaviour changes in the flow of the 24-hour cycle. It is essentially your internal biological body clock. Whereas the diurnal cycle is any environmental pattern that recurs every 24 hours as one full rotation, such as the day/night or the high/low tide. Thus, it can be seen as an external environmental clock.
When these two rhythms are synchronised, your mind, body and state will benefit from nature therapy. As you sleep, your body works to repair your internal organs, muscles, cells and regenerates. Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the pineal gland during sleep. Deep in the brain, near the epithalamus, situated above the thalamus, is the pineal gland, also known as the ‘third eye’. Melatonin also helps to control your circadian rhythm and regulates health and healing hormones. Thus, you can heal yourself during your sleep.
The inability to sleep or sleep well at night depends on your internal and external stressors, mental states, food that you have eaten and health condition. Many other factors also prevent us from sleeping, include anxieties, traumas and crises can interfere with our sleep habit as we lay down to rest. Unfortunately, this cacophony rings in our mind, and it can ruminate in the psyche as we sleep, becoming a nightmare that disrupts our natural healing process. If you take your woes to bed, when you close your eyes and managed to get a wink of sleep, it won’t be long before the problem invades your dreams. What you mentally think about will become your mental reality within the dream state.
Many of us have trouble sleeping because we take these problems to bed with us. I’ve done it. I had a bad day and could not shake off something that happened that day. As I replayed these in my mind, in bed, they became my nightmare.
Have you ever gone to bed after an argument? Or, after emotional distress such as being made redundant, how did you sleep? Restless, I wager.
How to heal yourself in your sleep? Let me share what works for me.
Pre-bedtime slow down
Have a goal in mind for your bedtime (sleep time). This is a time that you want to be in bed, lights out, eyes shut and breathing easily.
Make your preparation for slowing down and winding down. Begin to relax.
Have a glass or bottle of water ready for bedtime, if required.
Keep other electronics blue lights out of the bedroom, as this disrupts the sleep cycle. Turn off electronic devices.
Brush your teeth and have your comfort break. I often find that washing my face often help. If you are a night-time shower person, this works, as water is soothing and calming.
Get into your PJ if you wear clothes to bed.
Build a bedtime ritual that works for you
I firmly believe that rituals are helpful. Have a bedtime routine and pattern that you stick to help you build a structure around your sleeping habit. I cannot stress the importance of sticking to your routines and think positively about enjoying the mundane.
For me, I have a bedtime alarm set daily at 22.00 hour. This gives me half an hour of downtime before I get in bed at 22.30.
Make time for relaxation or meditation before bedtime
I give myself around 10-15 minutes for relaxation. In that time, I may mediate or listen to soothing, relaxing music to ease myself to sleep. You might find my Evening Review meditation script helpful. Some people watch TV in bed, I think it is a personal choice for everyone. Some people read to relax. The trick here is not to be engrossed in the activity.
Self-Hypnosis and breathing
By 23.00, lights out for me, regardless of whether my husband or I am ready. I turned off the light.
I have trained myself to sleep as soon as my head is on the pillow. I can be fast asleep almost immediately in bed. But occasionally, might not be able to get to sleep. I noticed that I had ruminated over some event during the day or upcoming. In this instance, I recite my script and begin self-hypnosis or observe my breathing. I focused on my breathing, the rise and fall of each breath, and counted backwards from 100 to 1. I have never reached number one because I was always asleep way before this.
Then, you simply allow the body to do the rest. The more you relax when you are in bed, the more your body heal. God bless, sleep tight.
However, I am aware that some people have adverse experiences due to historical trauma and wounding. If this is your case, I would recommend seeking further help through counselling, as these bedbugs will continue to disrupt your sleep.
“Sleep is the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together..” – Thomas Dekker.
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In my blog last month, I discussed making emotions and feelings our friends rather than the enemy. I want to add to that further by looking at the emotional frequency and their importance.
In the 11th century, a Benedictine monk called Guido d’Arezzo pioneered frequency scales from specific tones of musical sound which became known as the Solfeggio frequencies. The frequencies have been used throughout history, both in Western Christianity and Eastern religions by Buddhist monks and Indian Sanskrit in prayer and chants.
Research has proved that the OM Mantra, for example, was made up of frequencies that induce gamma waves which support mental wellness. In this peaceful waking state, we are receptive to cognitive processing, problem-solving and heightened perception.
Growing up with traditional Buddhist practices, I often thought that attending the temple for prayer was tedious. However, as I sat through the Thai Buddhist monks chanting, I instantly felt mentally relaxed, peaceful and calmed. The melodic sounds of the chant were mesmerising.
The sound frequency has a powerful effect on our emotional body. Thus, the emotional frequency will inevitably have an influence on the body-mind.
The body, feelings and mind are connected to the soul (or spirit) as wholeness.
I found that when feeling overwhelmed, I am unable to think logically or clearly. My body will react in response to the mental shut down. Physiologically, my heart would beat furiously, quickening the breath. My muscles tighten, and the body becomes hot and flush. Emotionally, I feel panicky, stressed, anxious and possibly fearful and embarrassed by the reaction of the body. This was when I realised that the emotions have gotten ‘hold’ on me. In this state, it feels like I a drowning. The body-feelings-mind interact in a wholistic system governed by the laws of cause and effect.
I’m here to share that, in whatever state, mood, or disposition that you find yourself in, you do have a choice. Amongst feeling overwhelmed, there will be a quiet, soothing ‘inner voice’ that asks whether you want any help. Some may say that this inner voice is your intuition. I know this part of myself as my ‘soul’ or ‘spirit’.
Recently, while working with a highly emotional client, I learnt to accept that some people DO not want help, even though a part of them got them to my therapy room. The client is simply not ready, willing or able to give up on their subconscious gain. This is fine by me, as I realised that I am not a rescuer. As a therapist, I am a facilitator. I facilitate healing, wellness and holistic processes.
With that in mind, I learnt to let go and just trust. Trust that I will simply know.
What is emotional frequency?
An emotion is a ball of energy, varying in size and shapes. Energy moves around the body as vibrational frequency. It forms and transforms, it changes, interchange and impermanent. It flows around your body around your morphic field, also known as the aura. Depending on the situation, circumstance or experience that you are facing, the emotional energy may circulate around an organ or meridians. If the emotions are suppressed, repressed or disrupted from expressing, it will become lodged within a specific area in the body.
Emotional frequency or emotional resonance is the vibrational frequency that emotion generates, which I came to know as energy frequency. Each emotion has an energy which generates and measurable as a frequency in Hz (hertz), used in connection to energetic currents, electromagnetic waves (light, radar etc.) and sound.
Love, for example, has a high frequency around 500Hz, whereas, fear has a low frequency at 100Hz. When you feel love for yourself or others, you cannot and will not feel the fear. Thus, it is worth choosing a positive feeling or emotion, which is better for health and wellness.
How to raise your emotional frequency?
I recently became qualified as an Emotion Code Practitioner and found that emotions can be released quickly and effortlessly.
Here are ways to raise your emotional frequency.
Be open-minded
Being open-minded is a willingness to consider new ideas or concepts without prejudices. An open-minded person will have the ability to considered other perspective, can be empathetic, to others, even if you disagree. In this state, you are flexible in your approach to learning and accepting new options, opportunities, suggestions, and inspirations. With an open mind, you will see things start to manifest, as you become receptive, you will attract like for like.
Stay hydrated
Have you noticed when you are very upset, your mouth dries up? To raise your emotional vibration, you need to remain hydrated so that your body as flush out toxicity.
Feel the love
Love has high frequencies which are beneficial to instantly lift your moods and emotional frequencies. When you feel love and appreciation, negative or low frequencies cannot exist at the same moment. If you find it difficult to ‘feel love’ trying doing something that you truly love. A loving feeling is a feeling of immense happiness, joy, connection, fulfilment, fondness, warmth, and tenderness. It is a blissful feeling towards someone or something. A true loving feeling is unconditional and unbounded. For me personally, I love water, nature and the sounds of a Wren singing in the distant, as I bathed in the warm sunny sky. You get the picture.
“Love is all there is. Let love be the driving force in your life.” – Unknown.
Feel the gratitude
Gratitude has high frequencies also, which can instantly transcend your emotions. It can instantly lift your low moods to a good mood. But, you have to really believe and be grateful. There has to be an element of humbleness within this process in order to feel thankful for something. For example, showing appreciation for your good health, being appreciative of your partner, be thankful to your family and friends by simply saying it out loud. I feel grateful for my good health. I feel grateful to my partner for his love and support. I feel grateful for my family. If you find it hard to say that you are grateful to the person, say it in your mind – they will receive the feeling all the same. Make a list of the things that make you grateful.
Find your Mantra and Affirmation
You can build a mantra, an affirmation or prayer into your daily life that includes feeling love for yourself and others. A mantra can be something that you repeat during meditations, walking, exercising or when doing a mundane task. An affirmation is a statement that you keep repeating until it becomes second nature. A prayer can be anything that you say with closed eyes to God, The Higher Power, Holy Spirit or the Universe.
Example of a mantra might be: Letting go is easy, Emotions are friends, Emotions are energy, and like all energy – it too will pass.
Example of an affirmation might be: I express my emotions healthily and freely, I am free to express how I feel, I am responsible for the way I feel.
Example of prayer might be: Dear God/The Higher Power/Holy Spirit/Universe, please give me the strength to be with my emotions, to process my emotions healthily, to heal.
Have fun, smile and laugh
Laughing is potent and instantly uplifting. It has many health benefits, physically and emotionally. Most essentially, it is contagious, so be warned.
Some of the things that make me smile include looking at pictures of my loving children, looking at a picture of myself as a toddler and listening to soothing music. Having fun for me simply mean doing fun stuff such as making a dress, getting my hands dirty working with clay pottery or playing charades. The thing that made me laugh is a slap-stick comedy, but not something like ‘Jackass’ or ‘YBF’ where someone or something is being hurt or falling. Find your laughter. Find your smile and find what is fun for you.
I have not included the usual practical approaches such as meditation, exercises, eating healthily to the list above on purpose because they are all common practices that everyone should regularly adhere to for positive mental health and wellness.
If you would like a personal experience of an energy healing session, please visit Energy Works for more details.
“Love is the only force capable of transforming enermy into friend.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
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To have compassion for others, one must realise Self-compassion first. Compassion is the ability to recognise suffering in oneself and others, and then taking action to alleviate the suffering through kindness, understanding, and love.
In today’s society, with many diverse inequalities, it may seem difficult to have compassion or empathy, but it is probably needed the most. It is the most undoubtedly positive quality than bitterness, anger and resentment.
Qualities of compassion promote positive emotional response and mindset; however, it should not be compared to empathy. Compassion is a deep feeling for oneself and another person, whereas empathy is the ability to be alongside the other person, or in their shoes. The emotional response when perceiving suffering in oneself or another triggers an authentic desire and wishes to take action, to assist, to alleviate and to help – but not to eliminate or deny.
Even if you do not think that you have compassion, the good news is that being compassionate is a skill, just like many which can be developed and learned.
But how does one recognises or develops compassion for oneself?
Be kind to yourself and others
I consider being kind to oneself as the most essential part of having compassion. It is a daily practice that takes lots of discipline, especially if you have a proclivity to beat yourself up. It is a process that takes patience to develop warmth and understanding of our sufferings, failures and inadequacies. It can be challenging to be mindful of the automatic negative thoughts that had previously been inclined to look at imperfections and flaws. But, it is with kindness, gentleness and acceptance that our emotional response will change toward ourselves first, and then our compassion for others will shortly follow.
Practice acting and behaving compassionately
Practice mindfulness and notice when you not being kind to yourself. Mindfulness is a conscious awareness of one own’s state by observing one’s thinking and thoughts. It is a willingness to be truthful to oneself and one’s perception. And when you noticed that you belittle yourself or experienced feeling frustrated with yourself; you simply notice it. Have an awareness of what was said, and the feeling felt. Then, gently recognise that making a mistake is inevitable and acceptable. Recognise that perfection is an illusion. Recognise that you will forget to observe your automatic thoughts at times. Recognise that through practice being aware of your thoughts, you will shortly notice them quicker. It is through awareness acceptance that your emotional response will become positive.
Avoid judgement and criticism of Self and other
Notice your use of language and those automatic thoughts that cause negative emotions or painful feelings such as anger, doubt, guilt, hurt, or shame. Words, thoughts or labels that might be used in the internal dialogue such as ‘I am so bad…clumsy, stupid, etc.’ are just some example to watch out. Stop using those negative criticism and judgement against oneself, and others are ways to develop compassion, through awareness and recognition.
Be honest and altruistic
Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself when you failed to recognise self-criticism or negative labelling. If you deny your mistake, you are ultimate being dishonest with yourself. Being honest about your failings, errors, and imperfection is part of learning and development. Being truthful about how you feel about failures help you confront the mindset associated with the experience. For example; if you failed a test/exam and you get angry with yourself for the failure, there would have been an associated thought accompanying this mindset, such as ‘Failing means I am useless’, which should be addressed. Recognising those thoughts and feelings is an honest way to deal with them. Being truthful in your reflection and observation are signs of honesty for your failure, which is the quality toward self-compassion.
Do not set yourself a timeline
Being compassionate is an on-going process that promotes positive health and mental wellness; thus cannot have a time limit. Having compassion for oneself and others should be an on-going process of personal development. It is a quality that helps you in relationships, and it is a positive experience that changes your thinking pattern and developing altruism. If you set yourself a timeline, you are essentially putting a limitation on your growth and development, plus a whole load of unnecessary pressure and anxieties.
All learning starts with YOU, and then you influence others through your engagement and social interaction. Thus, compassion begins with Self-love, and then you can pass it forward. Once you recognised and developed self-compassion, you will soon find that you naturally develop compassion for others and the world.
“Compassion begins with Self-love and then it expands to encompass the people around you.” – Patch Welling.
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Establishing a connection is essential for many reasons. Whether that connection is with yourself, others, or nature?
According to psychologists, making a connection is extremely important for our overall sense of self, our emotional and physical health. Dozen of clinical researches have shown that people are generally ‘happier’ when connected in any form of relationships.
Therefore, connecting to others, ourselves and the world give us a sense of importance and belonging. Plus, it also helps to improve our mental wellbeing and building self-esteem in communication.
As human beings are a social animal, we thrive in social connection, whether in family, groups, community or society. A strong sense of connectivity with others is vital to our mental stability and survival tendency.
Having a connection in a relationship helps us build resilience, shared interests between two or more people, shared love, support, and encouragement.
Physiologically, people with strong ties or connections in a relationship have fewer health problems, less stressed, less depressed and improved mental wellness. Adverse to the effect, people who lack connection with themselves, others or their community have increased stress and depression, accelerated cardiovascular risks, loneliness, isolation and a higher chance of suicidal tendency.
Here are some simple ways to keep a healthy connection with the people around you to improve your mental wellness and reduce isolation and loneliness.
Regularly reaching out and maintain a regular contact
Swallow those pride and reaching out. Reaching out means making the first move. In so doing, you make a conscious and considerable effort to contact the person. You do so regularly while maintaining a healthy boundary within the relationship. It also means having a sense of how often you should reach out, unobtrusively. If it seems like you are the one doing all the reaching out at the majority of times, try to stay positive. You are reaching out to promote your sense of wellness by showing someone that you care. It is not a chore.
Plan a get-together
Make plans for a get-together or planning ahead is a great way to have something to look forward to. Planning ahead for an event gives us joyful feelings as our mind is excited by the future-focused possibility. The anticipation of the upcoming event encourages hope and optimism. These positive thoughts promote healthy mindset and reduce stress and anxieties.
Say that you care by showing gratitude
We love to hear positive feedback and words of affirmation. Say that you care, say that love someone makes a massive difference to the person receiving the kind words. Showing gratitude for the relationship by expressing kind words of affirmation. Say thank you is music to the ears. Be the first to say sorry for a small measure of differences or disagreements, without compromising your sense of self. Say you like about the person. Say what think is great about being in the relationship with them. Say that you appreciate their time, and talking to you is soothing to the soul.
Have a respectable boundary – give them space
Having a reasonable boundary for yourself and others is extremely important within any social interaction. Establish what you think is an appropriate boundary for you, and then check with the other person, what is a safe and comfortable boundary for them. A boundary is a two-way thing. It is not something that you can guess. It is safer to ask. It shows that you consider their needs. Then, act on it and put in practise by giving the person the space that they need.
Use a medium that is most comfortable for both of you
We may take for granted what is the best medium for us, but, it may not be the best medium of contact for the other person. Check what is their preference, whether this is via phone, Skype, Zoom, Email, SMS, Facetime, WhatsApp, Snapchat etc. Agree with each other when you first make contact, how the person wants to be connected.
Take advantage of social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr etc.)
Sometimes, social media is the best method to stay connected with someone distant. Take advantage of the social media application that you both preferred and keep the channel of communication open this way is another great way to stay in touch with multiple people, family, friends and the community. The interactions with social media is a great way to make special announcements or reaching out to a group of people for a response.
However, you decide to stay connected with the essential people around you, think about the good that you are doing in staying in touch. It shows that you care. And when we do something nice for others, even the smallest of thing such as staying connected to the person makes a huge difference to both your mental wellness and physical health.
Trust reliably builds self-confidence, self-esteem physically and emotionally-how well do you trust yourself?
Trust is a process that builds relationships, whether that is with oneself, with others or with the world. It is the ability and willingness to risk being vulnerable. It is the proposition that depends on equality and respect. It is undeniably rewarding, altruistically and self-serving.
There are three distinct types of trust; Physically, Psychologically and Emotionally.
Physical trust is having the presence of another who were reliably present. Physically being there for you during your time of needs. This person will catch you when you fall, literally.
Psychological trust is a deep mental construct build in early childhood. Depending on your experiences in the early environment, this process may be arrested or undeveloped. Thus, you grow up to become a distrustful person, distrusting yourself and your abilities, distrusting others and their competencies and distrusting the world and its hostility.
Emotional trust is having confidence in yourself and another. It is the feeling that builds a bond in relationships. It is you decide that you can be emotionally available and trust in the other person to hold your vulnerability in their hand, without judgement, without intervention without restriction.
How well do you trust depends upon many factors. It is something that you learn, nurture and develop. It forms a set of behaviours and personality traits. It is also a belief with you hold as values and it determined your interaction with an individual. It is a sense of security within the relationship or process. It is dynamic and engaging. It is both benevolence and integral to all relationship within oneself, with others and with the world. If you have trust in yourself, in another and in the world, predictably, there will be cognizant.
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” – Unknown.
If not, fear not, you can learn to nurture and develop trust within yourself, with others and with the world. You would have to begin trusting yourself first. Here are some helpful tips to get started;
Honesty. You will need to be honest and reliable with your needs and desires. If you promised yourself a break from a hard day’s work, you would need to carry out the promise that you’ve made. Small acts of successes will result in optimism toward self-trust.
“Trust starts wtih the truth and ends with the truth.” – Santosh Kalwar
Reframing self-belief. You need to have the self-belief that you will do something for yourself. If you plan to take a new hobby, you need to follow through.
Discredits insecurities and mistrust. You will need to address and disregard any insecurities and mistrust within yourself first. As you work through your own insecurities and mistrust, you will find that you naturally will expand your perceptions to opening up to trusting others and the world.
Address psychological and emotional impact on trust. You need to address the psychological and emotional disposition to trust or mistrust. Do you trust being yourself, even if you made mistakes saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing? Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Do you believe that you can achieve anything you set your mind to? If you get jealous of your partner talking to someone else, you need to address the emotional and psychological impact of your feelings.
Openness. You need to be opened to failures without criticism and negative self-talk. A trusting relationship is an openness towards ourselves and each other. Are you an open or close book?
Be patient. Trust takes time to mature and grow. It is through time that you will feel the benefits of trust within yourself, with others and the world.
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” – Unknown.
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Motivation is the key to many reasons for our action and behaviour—here’s why.
Motivation is a drive that guides, influences, initiates, and stimulates our action and behaviour. It is the cause of the effect. It is a force that inspires you to action, whether this is to get out of bed in the morning, exercise or taking up a new hobby.
When you are motivated; the emotions are engaged, allowing the mind to become creative, thus allowing social connections to activated behaviours.
You may lack motivation for any number of reasons, whether it is due to depression, worries, avoidance or simply lack of interests. The reasons you lack motivation is mostly unconscious. The current mental strategies learned in the past have outgrown their resourcefulness. They become ineffective and you just need news ones.
Here are some new ideas and the keys to motivations. Give them a try, and see what works for you.
1. A good enough reasoning.
You need your own good enough reasons to get motivated. What is your good enough reason to get out of bed in the morning? You could stay in bed all day, for sure? But, then, you will be more tired, lethargic and hours of excuses later, you’re still in bed! Feeling lazy and cannot be bothered to get up or get dressed.
Thinking yourself contented is an illusion of the mind keeping you stuck. Motivation is a good enough reason to act or behave in a particular way in order to accomplish something desirable. It is an energetic force that encourages and promotes movement and reaction to planning, implementing and doing. The narrative that drives motivation is mostly positive.
Any reason to get out of bed is a good enough reason. Perhaps you need to get to the bathroom. Perhaps you need a glass of water. Whatever the reason, it is done, you’re out of bed, aren’t you? It is not worth going back there, you will not be able to sleep for a while now that you awaken.
2. Soothing sounds of the opposite.
Whatever your excuses that you used to tell yourself not to get out of bed in the morning, do the opposite. Whatever justification that you have given to yourself for delaying or avoiding taking up exercise, do the opposite. However, you conclude the rationale behind your lack, it is essential that you speak to yourself, kindly. Whispers the benefits of taking up exercise. Incite excitement in visualising trim waistline. Encourage yourself to go out walking, running etc.
Kindness is one the recipe for motivation. It is a beneficial interest that you are kind to yourself rather than dictating yourself to do something. When you speak, lovingly, to yourself, it is the soothing melody to sweet co-operation.
3. Rebelling against helplessness.
Feeling overwhelmed by helplessness dampened motivation. Helplessness is a struggle when we feel a loss of control. The loss of control is a result of an internal struggle. Rebelling against feeling helpless is the natural proclivity to eliminate the psychological attachment.
Acknowledging your helplessness, without accepting the hopelessness of the situation is the conscious approach to breaking free from this mindset. You may be helpless about your expanding waistline, but, you are not hopeless in changing and doing something about it. Believing that you are not helpless is motivating. Then, you will be able to see solutions, plan, and act on a desirable, and achievable outcome.
4. Rethink the mundane.
Exercise may seem mundane through repetition, just as doing cleaning or chores. Nonetheless, these mundane tasks need to be addressed in the psyche. What you think influences your participation and action. If you think that the mundane is boring, then it is. But, if you rethink the mundane to be fun and enjoyable, then it is. Easy.
Reframing your thoughts and thinking patterns helps you to become motivated. Thinking of the desired goal in mind is the best way to approach the mundane. Thinking about fitting into the smaller sized clothes. Thinking about feeling great from the induced endorphins. Think about a clean and neat home rather than the action of cleaning. Think about a full fridge rather than trolling through the supermarket. Think about feeling refreshed and invigorated from the shower rather than the getting up and out of bed. Rethink your thoughts, and think only of things that motivate you.
5. Lack of motivation by attachment.
Many of us can deny that we have problem attachment. If you keep telling yourself something long enough, you will come to believe it. Don’t believe me, keep denying yourself that. What have you got to lose, but time, confidence, self-esteem and your volition?
Problem attachment is an unhealthy emotional dependency on something or someone. It is an unhelpful clinging on that is negatively pleasurable. The unresourcefulness of hoarding is an attempt to fulfil a feeling of lack, emptiness and loneliness. All of which discouraged motivation through numbing. As our feeling is numbed, you become discouraged and lose sight of a purpose and will power. As you are overwhelmed by difficult emotions, you become increasingly dissatisfied and suddenly you find yourself on a hamster wheel, going round and round in a circle becoming dizzy.
Let go of the hoarding. Let go of the negative emotional attachment to the object, thing or belief. Let it go completely and get rid of it if you can. Get rid of the belief by challenging it. Holding onto excessive body-weight, for example, might be an unconscious attempt to protect you from emotional pains such as grief, loss or abuse by shielding you with your body-fat. Address your emotional pain and then let go of the belief. Challenge your belief with questions like, is it absolutely true, is there a law that says your body-fact protects you from emotional pain?
How are you going to motivate yourself? What did you find useful or helpful? Perhaps these tips gave you the inspiration to come up with your own resourceful ways to motivate yourself. I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.
“Act as if what you do, or the way you behave makes a difference – because it does.”
Feeling worried, nervous or uneasy about something, or someone during the lockdown? The current global pandemic had forced us all become somewhat cut-off from the outside. For many, especially those living alone or vulnerable, it had prevented many of us to stay at home. You are bound to be affected by a certain level of anxiety to some degree. These anxious feelings are associated with the current situation, which restricted our mobility and socialisation.
