Tag: #selfhelptips

Heal while you sleep

In Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Motivation, Self Help, Self-care, Self-Development, Sleep, Wellness

Generally, it is recommended that we have at least eight hours of sleep a night. That’s a third of our 24-hours day. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always get eight hours, even if I get to bed at a reasonable time. Why do many of us have trouble sleeping? I want to address this a little closer.

“Sleep is the best medicine.” – Dalia Lama.

Sleep is essential, and there are many health benefits. There are lots of literature on this topic and many helpful articles. Some of the advantages of a good night sleep include; rested body and rested mind, improve memory, concentration and cognitive functions, lower your blood pressure, reduces heart diseases, stress, depression and increase immunity. You will also be happy to know that a restful sleep can lead to weight loss as your body continues to produce hormones ghrelin and leptin while you enjoy your slumber.

During the nocturnal hours, your body’s naturally crave sleep because your internal biological clock or the circadian rhythm is synchronised with the day/night cycle of the diurnal rhythm. The circadian rhythms determine our physical, mental and behaviour changes in the flow of the 24-hour cycle. It is essentially your internal biological body clock. Whereas the diurnal cycle is any environmental pattern that recurs every 24 hours as one full rotation, such as the day/night or the high/low tide. Thus, it can be seen as an external environmental clock.

When these two rhythms are synchronised, your mind, body and state will benefit from nature therapy. As you sleep, your body works to repair your internal organs, muscles, cells and regenerates. Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the pineal gland during sleep. Deep in the brain, near the epithalamus, situated above the thalamus, is the pineal gland, also known as the ‘third eye’. Melatonin also helps to control your circadian rhythm and regulates health and healing hormones. Thus, you can heal yourself during your sleep.

There are many reasons why people experience sleeping problems from mild, acute to chronic sleep disorders such as insomnia, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome or REM sleep behaviour disorder such as sleepwalking.

The inability to sleep or sleep well at night depends on your internal and external stressors, mental states, food that you have eaten and health condition. Many other factors also prevent us from sleeping, include anxieties, traumas and crises can interfere with our sleep habit as we lay down to rest. Unfortunately, this cacophony rings in our mind, and it can ruminate in the psyche as we sleep, becoming a nightmare that disrupts our natural healing process. If you take your woes to bed, when you close your eyes and managed to get a wink of sleep, it won’t be long before the problem invades your dreams. What you mentally think about will become your mental reality within the dream state.

Many of us have trouble sleeping because we take these problems to bed with us. I’ve done it. I had a bad day and could not shake off something that happened that day. As I replayed these in my mind, in bed, they became my nightmare.

Have you ever gone to bed after an argument? Or, after emotional distress such as being made redundant, how did you sleep? Restless, I wager.

How to heal yourself in your sleep? Let me share what works for me.

  • Pre-bedtime slow down

Have a goal in mind for your bedtime (sleep time). This is a time that you want to be in bed, lights out, eyes shut and breathing easily.

Make your preparation for slowing down and winding down. Begin to relax.

Have a glass or bottle of water ready for bedtime, if required.

Keep other electronics blue lights out of the bedroom, as this disrupts the sleep cycle. Turn off electronic devices.

Brush your teeth and have your comfort break. I often find that washing my face often help. If you are a night-time shower person, this works, as water is soothing and calming.

Get into your PJ if you wear clothes to bed.

  • Build a bedtime ritual that works for you

I firmly believe that rituals are helpful. Have a bedtime routine and pattern that you stick to help you build a structure around your sleeping habit. I cannot stress the importance of sticking to your routines and think positively about enjoying the mundane.

For me, I have a bedtime alarm set daily at 22.00 hour. This gives me half an hour of downtime before I get in bed at 22.30.

  • Make time for relaxation or meditation before bedtime

I give myself around 10-15 minutes for relaxation. In that time, I may mediate or listen to soothing, relaxing music to ease myself to sleep. You might find my Evening Review meditation script helpful. Some people watch TV in bed, I think it is a personal choice for everyone. Some people read to relax. The trick here is not to be engrossed in the activity.

  • Self-Hypnosis and breathing

By 23.00, lights out for me, regardless of whether my husband or I am ready. I turned off the light.

I have trained myself to sleep as soon as my head is on the pillow. I can be fast asleep almost immediately in bed. But occasionally, might not be able to get to sleep. I noticed that I had ruminated over some event during the day or upcoming. In this instance, I recite my script and begin self-hypnosis or observe my breathing. I focused on my breathing, the rise and fall of each breath, and counted backwards from 100 to 1. I have never reached number one because I was always asleep way before this.

Then, you simply allow the body to do the rest. The more you relax when you are in bed, the more your body heal. God bless, sleep tight.

However, I am aware that some people have adverse experiences due to historical trauma and wounding. If this is your case, I would recommend seeking further help through counselling, as these bedbugs will continue to disrupt your sleep.

“Sleep is the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together..” – Thomas Dekker.

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Loving oneself is Self-care

In Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-care, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

As a therapist, self-care is an essential ritual for lone workers. We were advised that self-care practices are necessary for the body, mind and spirit. I have always make time for daily routines which helped me balance work, life, and personal joy.

Self-care aims to relax, unwind, and maintain a healthy state of being with oneself and one-spirit. It is a set of routines and practices that help to boost physical, psychological and emotional states. Think of self-care as healing practices for the body, mind and soul. The nurturing ritual helps prevent exertion, exhaustion and burnt-out. Self-care strategy will be different for everyone because it has a purpose attached to the practice. Some people find running as a self-care ritual more useful than others. Some people prefer a relaxing bubble bath with soothing music. And some prefer to be comfortable by the fire. Whatever the ritual, it is vital to adopt self-care practices that work for you.

There are many examples of self-care, including regular exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, be in nature and taking frequent breaks or rest. But, it might help to think of self-care as a fun part of your daily ritual, rather than something you are compelled to do, like a chore. I emphasise fun and playful activities that you enjoy on a daily basis because sometimes we think of self-care only periodically.

Thus, I am sharing some of my essential daily self-care rituals here. I hope you find it helpful, and perhaps it might inspire to think of your own.

  • Make time for yourself.

One of the important thing for me is me-time. It is a time set aside to be alone with your thoughts, with your feeling and emotion, whatever they may be. It is a time that I am still, contemplative and peaceful. I often do this outside, standing in nature watching, listening to birds or the howling of the wind. Feeling the cool breeze on my face, I stood appreciatively. Making time to appreciate being with oneself in the stillness. It is about being alone with the whole of yourself. This is simply about making time to be.

  • Make time for meditation

Meditation is about an observation of the stillness within and of the mind. It is about being with that stillness and being inside our psyche. There is a misconception that busy-mind makes meditation difficult, and it is not just about the breath. But, this is precisely when one should consider meditation. Meditation is a tool to help the busy-ness of the mind and listen to our internal voices, and that is when you become aware of your breathing.

You can do meditation almost anywhere, but not while operating any machine or driving. You can do walking meditation, sitting down meditation and laying down meditation.

The mind never sleeps. The conscious mind is continually evaluating the input from our senses. The unconscious mind never shut off because it automates body regulatory, circuitry systems, such as keeping a steady sinus rhythm. Meditation is a state of being still in the body so that you can go within the psyche to observe thoughts, listen to what you are thinking about and notice comes up for you when cognitively being aware of what is in your mind. What you think you will manifest. Be sure to think only positive thoughts.

  • Have love in your heart

Self-care is about self-love and loving oneself and one’s shadows. Tell yourself that you love yourself is not narcissistic unless you adversely admire yourself adoringly. This is more of a confirmation for self to build inner confidence. It is also about one part of yourself telling another part that you love the unloveable. I think that if we can express self-love, we can then express that love to another. We have to hold love ourself before we can demonstrate love another. In so doing, we can know intimately how we feel loved, then we can share it.

A loving act for me includes feeling joyful, having fun and laughing at myself, lovingly. It is ultimately a knowing that you embrace with heart and soul. It is enough to say things like; I love my hair today, I love how I handle that argument today, I love the way I spoke my truth, even though not everyone agreed. It is quite alright to say; I love my voice, I love my flaws, etc. Whatever you dislike about yourself, try to reverberate your thoughts by expressing and vocalising your love, out loud.

  • Find a way to have fun or something that makes you smile.

This is my favourite, and every day is an exciting challenge (and I say this with a smile) to find or do. It is often fun that put a smile on my face and on those of another. It does not take much. A friend once said to me:

“A smile begins with you.”

I smiled when I walked around the house, and my cuddlies are moved from the bed. The plush toys would appear in the room when my back is turned. My husband moved them into the room I happened to be, of course. Then, I walked them back to another auspicious location where they will be found by him. We have this game throughout the day, and it is fun for both of us. I may be watching the dishes, and then my favourite plush toy appears on the table behind me. These are moments of joy.

“Smile and the whole world will smile with you.” – Stanley Gordon West.

Doing something fun for me is simply doing something that makes me and another smile, laugh and affectionate. Doing something nice for another to make them smile or laugh always bring a smile to my face. It will be different for everyone, and it is deeply personal and subjective. I also find rearranging my house fun. It is both practical and catharsis as I let go of the old. I find pottering fun as I get my hands dirty in the dirt, connecting to the Earth helps ground me to Gaia. I find filing fun as I mindfully organise paperwork. And I also find making soup fun.

What is your fun?

  • Find your grooming ritual

A healthy body equals a healthy mind. I love spending time painting my toenails, but not my fingernails so much. I find that self-care is also body-care. I like my hair brushed, despite leaving long strand all around the house. Sometimes, I think we take grooming for granted because we do it every day. But, if you contemplate your grooming acts, notice how much more enjoyable it is. For me, each brushstroke is a sensation that I feel energetically, as an individual strand of hair is being stroked.

It is essential to maintain a healthy body through a grooming ritual. I love getting my hair wash, cut and blow-dry.  But, the feel of water on my skin really what I love.

Water has healing nourishing and nurturing properties, which is why it is used in many religious rituals. Next time you are in the shower, feel the sensation of each water droplets on your skin.

Self-grooming is both holistic and therapeutic for the body, mind and spirit. When the body feels good, so does the mind. You know what makes you feel good when it comes to taking care of your body. It is merely to do more of that.

  • Organise your space

Personally, I feel that organising the physical space in the home, work and life gives me a sense of orderliness. But it is more than neatness, cleanliness and tidiness. It helps me manage the internal psyche if my physical space is clutter-free and systematic. It is a way to methodically organise my internal world if my outer world is orderly. I’d already mentioned that it is fun to rearrange my bookcases, clothes, kitchen cupboards etc. It is also therapeutic to organise the spaces around me, as I, mindfully, restructure my outer world. Moreover, in the organisation, I am also letting go of the tension, stress and worries that were attached to the material items. Yet, it is also about rearranging the space, files or library of repertoire, in the mind, as well as the physical space.

With the looming uncertainties within the outer world, there is a clear need for self-care rituals. Especially when we are currently in another lockdown and our days, weeks are becoming a blur. As each day blend into yet another day, the mundane can become repetitive, and we can lose track of the days. It is more crucial than ever to maintain a healthy mindset with self-care rituals that work for you. If you can tap into your creativity, why not make the mundane into something fun. Perhaps you like dancing, why not dance around while you work. Perhaps you like singing, sing while you work. You know where I am going with this.

So, what are you waiting for? Get creative and find your self-care rituals. I’d love to hear what works for you.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

Behind the Covid-19 mask lies another dilemma

In Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

Don’t let wearing the COVID mask becomes your norm

“Virtue has a veil, vice is a mask.” – Victor Hugo

At the beginning of the year, some people began wearing masks as a prevention to the COVID-19 epidemic. However, as we start to realise very quickly how our lives have changed and will continue to change. What we used to know as ‘normal’ is no longer. Out with the old and in with the new, I’d say.

The experiences, feelings and emotions felt during those months of isolation can be overwhelming. The loneliness and isolation can be difficult for many people. The longing and yearning kick in, as a human being is essentially a social animal.

After months of lockdown, how can we begin to start venturing out? Some people are excited by finally being allowed to socialise again. Some people are still cautious and only go out to meet family and friends. Some people go out without care. However, many people manage to leave mindfully with respect and considerations for others by wearing masks.

“Nothing is more real than the masks we put on to show each other who we are.” – Christopher Barzak

I want to discuss the concept of masking in Psychology further.

Masking is a process which an individual uses as a way to deflect, hide or conceal their natural personality, traits and attitude to conform to the socially acceptable behaviours, depending on culture and societies in which we live. On many occasions, we are often unaware that we are even wearing a mask because of the way we were taught and learned. When we’d been conditioned to behave, think, or act in a particular manner, we can become so accustomed to masking that we might have difficulties finding our true Self. Just another actor acting out a part!

I could go into the psychological benefits behind why people preferred to wear a mask, but I don’t believe that it would be helpful to further strengthen the person’s psyche. What I prefer to do is to look at the positives and address the usefulness of removing our masks.

“When you wear a mask for so long, you forget who you are beneath it.” – Alan Moore

Some of those benefits include becoming authentic in your way of being, becoming open to directly ‘see’ the person with your heartfelt ‘sight’. When we are not wearing our masks, we are opened to our vulnerability, which is a positive quality, rather than defensively thinking that it is negative. It is when you are not coveted that you can expand your senses with a wider peripheral sensory acuity. Thus, when the masks are removed, you can see the world with Shoshin’s eyes. I’d come to these conclusions from years of training, experiences and dealing with personal challenges.

Fear not, I can offer some helpful tips to those individuals who’d like to remove their (psychological) masks – but keep the COVID-19 cover on (for now). Here’s how:

      • Be responsible for your action, reaction and behaviours

Taking ownership of anything that you do or say is one of the most empowering ways of removing the mask of your false Self. It is a simple act of Self-expression, and it is altruistic in your demonstration of transparency and honesty in the interaction with another.

      • Acknowledge your flaws and learn to love them

If you think that your bum looks big, or your belly is bloated, either do something healthily about it or learn and find a way to like your body. If you dislike your imperfections and flaws, you probably need to internally reflect on your belief systems. Acknowledging your flaws and learning to love them is a form of acceptance and love for the Self. Ask yourself, is it possible to be perfect all the time? Is it possible to expect that you need to do something perfectly each time? What a waste of your energy because it is practically impossible. Everyone, everywhere have flaws.

      • Find your Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance can take time to develop. It is with patient, understanding and love that you can find a way to accept yourself and things you dislike within or without. Find a way to assent to yourself, your body, your self-image, your abilities and skills, including your limitations. To have acceptance is to accept the positive and the negative about yourself as the way you are without having to change, do or act differently in situations. Acceptance is the acquiescence of Self – the Latin acquiēscere (to find rest in).

      • Discover Self-love

This is my most favourite, discovering Self-love. It is the most rewarding, with warmth and positive energies. It is also one that most people often find it difficult to express or acknowledge. Before starting my counselling/psychotherapy training, it was undoubtedly amiss. But, it is never ever too late to discover Self-love, whatever life position you are at. Love starts with you when you find your self-love, you will emit love for others and the world unless of course, you have a heart-wall (an energetic blockage to the heart). Self-love comes with many omnipotent experiences such as joy, happiness, playfulness, spontaneity and many more. Self-love also acknowledges all of the above.

      • Smile at yourself, and at your faults

Even if you don’t feel like smiling at yourself, it is worth doing it. See for yourself! Smile into a mirror and see inside yourself. What do you feel? If you feel positive, even though you have scars, stretch marks, birthmarks etc. then you are on the way to removing those pesky masks.

There are many other ways to take your masks off. Perhaps you have found another helpful way that works for you. I’d love to hear about some of the things that work for you.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on Twitter Page.