Tag: Motivation

How to break free from the drama triangle

I was moved by the Channel 4 documentary on Hunting the Football Trolls featuring Jermaine Jenas. He had bravely spoken openly about his emotions and feelings on being targeted for racial slurs and hateful messages on social media. I applaud his bravery for speaking out. It brought it home to me how people could dehumanise others so easily, especially those that they do not know personally. It made me wonder how someone could objectify others without conscience.

 I understand racism, prejudices and discrimination because I had endured the pain and hurt myself, as a child growing up in the UK. I had never known it before, in Thailand where I was born. However, I had grown up thinking that as a minority, it must have been something that we (as the minorities) had to put up with. Not many people speak out about it thirty years ago. Not that I recalled. It was not okay then, and it is still not okay now. I am thankful that more and more people are spoken up about it.

In this blog, I want to share my intrapsychic processes in dealing with any persons who objectify others. If you have been a subject of hate on social media or in person, you might find these processes helpful too. If you are experiencing racial attacks in your daily life, again, it might help to learn that you, too, can overcome their racial prejudices.

 In my experience, I found that individuals who personally attack others at their core being have a deficiently low sense of self-worth within themselves. They do not want others to know this and will put up a front by attacking others. After all, no one is going to be looking or noticing them. I had come to realise that the bullies were often bullied by others, and they were simply repeating learned helplessness behaviours by bullying, discriminating, racially attacking you. They had learned that they didn’t have a choice and was helpless to accept the situation. At their core being, they may feel insecure and hurting. They mimic the unacceptable behaviours believing that it must be powerful to do the bullying to others.

Just a caution, the hypotheses below offers a psychological perspective of an inner working on one’s mind, both as a sufferer and as the perpetrator. It is not an excuse for any individuals and especially those that cause harm to others. It is a subjective supposition based on my experiences as a sufferer and from learned experiences with perpetrators. The purpose of highlighting their perspectives is to understand the underlying behaviours and the roles they inadvertently played in the “drama triangle”. The drama created in an insecure person is inadvertently played out in reality as they co-create the inner world, in the real world.

 Introducing drama triangle?

The drama triangle is a psychological model that was first described by Stephen Karpman in 1961, who was a student of Eric Berne, the founding father of Transactional Analysis developed in the 1950s. Karpman explained the insidious nature of the psyche in which we all, unconsciously, play a part in the game of life. He went on to explain how we can fall victim to the roles in our life script. He also described how we could all get caught in the destructive cycle and struggle to break free from its toxic enmeshment. It did not begin with ourselves, but you can end the maintaining cycle. You do have a choice!

The purpose of discussing this theorem is not about blame but rather to highlight that we are all subjected to learned helplessness in its dysfunctional social interactions, which has increasingly become a problem in modern societies, especially on online social media platforms.

As mentioned at the beginning of this article, it begins with online abuse, trolling, hateful and abusive messages (directly or indirectly). It begins in the dysfunctional household in which warmth, love, and compassion are missing. It starts as self-defecation, self-loathing and self-hatred, and then it spreads outwards out of our pores infecting and targeting others. It was negatively reinforced into our being from adverse parental experiences of our parents. They may have been unconsciously ‘acting out’ what was normal within their household. And until we have an awareness of our misbehaving, we remain oblivious of our behaviours towards others. Let’s take a closer look at each of the roles in the drama that we participated in and helped co-created.

“We have a choice about the roles that we play in the game of life. Which part will you choose to play in your next role?”

As the victim (the suffers)

Generally, no one willingly, readily or consciously chooses to be a victim. It is something that is forced or happens to us. The sufferer often feels trapped, helpless and hopeless to do something about the situation. Especially when the abuse is online, social media sites are not proactive in dealing with the abuse. And especially, after you reported the abuse you may not see any real changes.

 Being victimised predominantly begin in childhood. As a child, you may feel trapped when you are told off, reprimanded or abused by someone older/bigger and more powerful, usually a parent or an older sibling. As you internalised, you inadvertently assumed being powerless because you are smaller and have no power. You question your sense of worth and wonder why it happened to you. If you had no choice and could not venture out on your own, and you had to stay in a dysfunctional environment, it leaves you vulnerable to defend yourself against future attacks. You become learned helpless in situations and seek out other destructive engagements because it was familiar. This internalisation happens unconsciously to you.  You had unwittingly become a victim because of your negative childhood experiences, negative reinforcement, abuse and cruelty.

Being a victim DID NOT begin with you.

As the perpetrator (the abuser)

Individuals who were brought up in an abusive, oppressive, hostile, and critical environment may have inadvertently fallen into being a victim initially. They had helplessly learned what was normal in the abnormal and dysfunctional family system. They learned from their caregivers and mirrored their role as an abuser and persecutor. They learned to punish others by abusing them, to hurt others just as they were hurt.

 These individuals blame their victims for their own weaknesses. As a child, we could not and do not blame our parents for their misbehaving and misguided parenting. The child magically believed that their parents are Gods, according to John Bradshaw On the Family. The concept of magically thinking describes how a child idealises their parents within the family system. The child would not and could blame themselves as their cognitive functions are still developing. And if the child does not learn to take responsibility for their actions, they will grow up and continue to blame others for their flaws. Individuals with toxic and negative nurturing experience externalised behaviours such as physical aggression, verbal abuse, relational aggression, hate and acting out any forms of hostility and violence, physically, mentally, psychologically or verbally.

The majority of a bully or an abuser has been the subject of abuse themselves, which may be why they bully or abuse others to make themself feel superior, and to feel powerful. This is not an excuse because some people who were bullies had not resorted to becoming one themselves.

As the Rescuer (the helper) 

Individuals who identify themselves as a rescuer will attempt to help the sufferers and intervene to save them from the bullies or the abusers. They suffer enormously from guilt if they do not interfere. They have a positive intention to help the person, but they could not see the consequence of their behaviours and may often worsen the situation. This individual has a strong desire to protect others, but it can keep the victim arrested in their development as they become dependent on the person to fight their battle.

 The Rescuer has a propensity to focus on helping and failing to see their unconscious gains. These unconscious gains include being good because one is needed or wanted, feeling important, feeling God-like, and feeling helpful or valuable, all of which satisfy the egoic mind.

I had been bullied, verbally and mentally. I was bullied in the first two years of secondary school, and I found a way to stand up to the bullies. I was bullied because I was Thai and looked essentially different to the majority of white children in the class. I was a minority and could not speak English. It seemed like I was the easy target! As the only oriental at school, I was objectified and depersonalised.

It has not been on my conscience to pay it forward at any stage because I believed in karma. I remember thinking that it would not be fair to treat others in the same way because I didn’t like it. Thus, it is not always the case that those who were bullied become a bully.

I had been a victim; however, I never felt sorry for myself or thought why me. I thought, what’s wrong with you, rather than what’s wrong with me? What happened to you to be so mean? How did you come to be full of rage and hate? In cases of individuals who target others for their appearances, specifically online, they think it is safe to hide behind their masks and the internet. These individuals dehumanise, criticise and devalue someone often because they projected something they disliked within themselves onto others. It is far easier to mock them than it is to knock ourselves.

I had never been a perpetrator. It did not sit well with me morally, and I had never consciously wished harm onto another. If I was with someone that bullies others, I removed myself from the toxic person. If I don’t like something to be done unto me, I would not want it done onto thee. I considered the hurt and pain of the catcalls, and I cannot put anyone through any form of (verbal or physical) abuse. I do not want bad karma or the negative consequences of the law of attraction.

I am a rescuer. I want to help others and it was unsurprising that I am a counsellor/therapist. However, I had been compromised and thought that my good intentions were helpful and useful to others. It is true that there is a sense of satisfaction in helping and being in service of others. But, it can be a hinder to their development and growth if you take away the learning experiences for the individual.

“We learn by making mistakes. We learn from our pain and suffering. In light of those experiences, we grow and thrive as a unique spiritual being.”

How to break out of the drama triangle?

Here are some helpful tips on how to break free from the drama triangle. It is never too late to choose another role. You just need to remember that you DO have a choice. So, choose wisely. 

Recognise your position in the drama triangle

Recognising whereabout you are on the drama triangle will help you to be aware of your role when you are relating to others. When you recognise your part, you can decide if playing in the triangle is helpful to you. We are all participants in the game of life, and how we play depends on our chosen role. We can challenge any position in life if they are no longer helpful. Once you realise that you have a choice, you can work toward breaking free from the confinement of the outdated role and step out of the drama triangle into a life worth living.

 Be mindful and ask first, challenge later

When you are mindful of others, you are less likely to jump to any form of illusion about what was said or who said what. On social media, we can easily misread, misunderstand and mis-take things the wrong way. In a mindful state, you will be prone to ask questions to find what more about what or why it was said. You would consider whether you understood the content or that the other person miscommunicated. Say: When you said that, what did you mean? Why did you say that?… I was hurt, upset, etc. What you said was untrue, insensitive, rude, hurtful etc.; why did you make those personal remarks? If you can be bothered to respond to the attackers. It is also safer and kinder to yourself to report, blocking them from seeing their contents entirely.

 Be curious

Curiosity is one of the core traits of our inner child. Curiosity gives us a sense of inquisitiveness to explore further what someone meant. Communication is a two-way process, and misunderstanding can happen when we relate to each other, especially in writing. Curiosity requires an investigation and encourages further dialogue. If you are being bullied, ask the bullier why they are bullying you? Say: When you said that, it upsets me, hurt me; etc. When you spoke to me that way or write those things about me, I felt humiliated, shame, or that I felt bullied, etc.

 Stand firm and stand tall

When you stand up for yourself against a bully, they may retaliate in response to your behavioural change. Your behaviour has consequences on others, just as you are influenced by another. However, standing firm and standing tall against any form of bullies or injustice is about facing up to and confronting the other. It is not an easy thing to do especially if it is unfamiliar to you. But, standing up for yourself may also be demonstrated in your body language, without words. Often when most of us face someone with bullish behaviour, we politely walk away. But, this might be an opportunity to stand your ground and test out your stance. It might be a look that says, you cannot treat me that way. It might be your long gaze at the person as they misbehaved. You can also consciously broadcast messages that say something like, you will not stand to be bullied, abused, violated, dehumanised, devalued etc. These are unspoken thoughts and convictions of your inner voice, speaking loudly in your psyche, directly project to the person as you continue to look at the individual. Standing firm online might include reporting it to the social media platform and the police. Standing firm might also include responding to the bullies and shaming them online and making them a focus rather than you.

 Rewind! And Be kind

Kindness acts is a gesture of love for others. It shows that you are mindful and considerate of others, but not over your own needs. Kindness is powerful in relationship building and helps diffuse even the hardened mind. Kindness act is a balance of being considered and being equally important. A kind word can help lift someone’s day. Imagine how a kind act can help the person.

Making a change is never easy but it is not impossible. You can unlearn the way you used to do things, and relearn to do it differently. It may be unfamiliar to you but like anything worth doing, it will be rewarding.

As a final note, I just want to add that it is never okay to mistreat any other living beings. It is never acceptable to devalue, objectify, (verbally, mentally or physically) abuse or dehumanise anyone. After all, how would you like it if it happened to you?

It did not start with you, but it can end with you; you can change your beliefs, your mindset and your behaviours about something or someone. You can be the person who breaks the mould. Break the archaic societal rules embedded in the collective unconsciousness of rage or hate. Breakfree and break away from the racial, discriminatory and prejudiced trance.

 

Mindfulness Motivation for Confidence

Mindfulness is a conscious awareness of doing something, being in the moment with your internal states, including your thoughts, feelings, emotions, bodily sensations, and outer environment. In this post, I wanted to discuss how this technique can be applied to motivate activities that can help improve your confidence.

Mindfulness is ubiquitous in mental health and wellness. Over the past twenty years, I have noticed that this concept recently on the rise is welcoming. Many mind-identified individuals embrace it. But, it can be so much more if we find a creative way to use this principle.

“Mindfulness versus Mindlessness – which would you rather be?”

Mindfulness concerns the mental activity and mental state with thoughtfulness rather than mindlessness. It is an internal and external observation of one’s state without judgment, attention or focus. It is about noticing whatever it is in the moment and letting it go.

The purpose of mindfulness is to stay neutral to your experiences with the intention of staying with yourself. The idea is to be alert with a focused relaxation. Thoughts and abreactions in the body will arise. You may notice them and observe them without judgement. They will find that they will soon dissipate and disappear.

Mindfulness helps to improve the processing in the psyche. It helps balance any chemical imbalances in the brain and realign cognitive distortion. It helps bring awareness to thoughts and thinking patterns. It makes conscious your proclivity to analyse, criticise or ruminate in the mind. When you are wide awake to the way you think, and what you tend to think about, you will have the capacity to notice your thinking tendencies, which will, in turn, improve self-awareness and self-consciousness in the realisation. The realisation comes with a sense of achievement and wonders, followed by positive mental and physical feelings.

 In the state of mindfulness, your mental and physical state changes any chemical imbalances in the brain. It makes it rewarding and satisfying. This helps you see your inner resilience and inner strength as you successfully become mindful. You could instantly feel an improvement in your entire being. Eventually, you can feel confident in your achievement of being mindful. Before you know it, you are already motivated to keep practising mindfulness.

Mentally, you will soon notice an improvement in your problem-solving ability and reasoning skills. Improving the mind will help reduce psychic tension, such as anxieties, depression, conflicts and afflictions.

Physically, you will soon notice an improvement in your physiological responses to situations, such as lowering heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and improved sleep. The body will benefit from conditions such as gastrointestinal discomfort, chronic pain, illnesses and dis-ease.

Emotionally, you will soon notice a shift in your feelings and emotions. If you were previously pessimistic, a “glass half empty person”, you might notice that you are becoming optimistic, a “glass half full person” now. You might now recognise how you feel about a distressful situation and find a way to resolve it with ease. As you feel comfortable, you will begin to notice your confidence and esteem rising.

“Mindfulness versus Mindlessness? I know which one I would choose.”

There are many creative ways to incorporate mindfulness into our daily lives. You probably already know how to include mindfulness into your daily ritual. I hope you can feel the difference in this way of being when you make mindfulness a part of your life. And that this positive feeling acts as a motivation for you to keep using the technique. Mindfulness is often used with meditation, relaxation, visualisation, hypnotherapy, and more. However, there are different ways you can apply mindfulness to deepen your self-development.

 Mindful meditation requires you to sit in a meditative lotus posture, preferrable where you can be close to the ground for grounding and support. The combination of mindfulness and meditation is a marriage made in heaven. It is the most effective approach to a mindful state. You might want to explore using mantra words or statements to repeat silently during the meditation.

Mantra words or statements for motivation might be; you are a master of your mind and body, you are confident, you can achieve greatness, you can achieve relaxation easily. Perhaps you can think of your own mantra.

Affirmations for motivation in your meditation might include statements such as, I am confident, I am calm, I am relaxed in stressful situations, I am motivated, I am committed to self-care and self-love. Perhaps you can think of more affirmations that suit you better.

Body awareness mindfulness acknowledges the body’s physical state. You might notice the body sensation or discomfort in the meditative state, such as coughing, itching, tingling, and warmth. Whatever the sensation, observe it without judgement or critique. The purpose of this approach is to scan the body so that you can develop an awareness of your body. This is especially effective if you are disidentified or dissociated from the body.

Sensory awareness meditation acknowledges sensations such as tastes, smells, sounds and touches on the skin or body. The purpose of this approach is to observe your senses, including your sixth sense. You can become attuned to your senses through this practice. It helps to develop an awareness of your senses. Everyone has a strong preference for their sensory modality. You might be essentially a visual person. However, to be more self-aware, you need to be aware of all your senses.

 Emotional awareness meditation concerns your feelings emotions. This approach of mindfulness meditation considers being with your feelings and emotions. However, you might already know that it is difficult to practice mindfulness meditation when an emotion grips you. But, this is the best time to use this technique. In a meditative and relaxed state, you can observe your feelings, name them, locate it in the body and bear with them much easier than in the heightened state. In a heightened state, you are reactive to the experience in the situation. In a relaxed state, you are non-reactive but responsive and aware of the emotions. If helpful, you can go into the meditation and recall an event where strong emotions arise. Practice being with your feelings and emotions. Observe them without judging or giving them narratives or meanings. Accepting them as being a part of you and having compassion for the way they had influenced your responses.

Behavioural awareness meditation involves being in a meditative state with the intention of observing your behaviour in situations. The aim here is to recognise your behaviours, behave, and react in a situation. You might not like a specific behaviour such as excessive alcohol, drug use, gambling, or eating. This approach works well with unwanted behaviours; such as compulsivity, impulsivity, habitual, addiction, as well as maladaptive or destructive behaviours such as self-harming acts. This mindful technique needs a lot of will or volition. A word of warning, a strong sense of self and ego strength is required to try this method.

Basic mindfulness requires you to sit someplace quiet and be physically still. The purpose of this technique is about being with yourself in your inner world. It is essential to be silent, without external sounds (music, TV, radio etc.). You might not be able to avoid the outside sounds. You might experience abreaction such as a cough, an ache, a cramp and others. Bear with it if you want to experience the positivity of a mindful effect.

Simple mindfulness can be applied to other aspects of your life, such as walking or light exercises like yoga. I use mindfulness regularly for all sorts of reasons. I use mindfulness when I am drawing or painting and running or swimming. I am sure you can also think of your own way to incorporate mindfulness with activities in your life—any activities except driving or anything involving risk to your health and wellness.

To summarise, mindfulness breathing is fantastic for personal development and general wellbeing. It is something that can be done effortlessly. After all, you are breathing right now as you are reading this!

If you are struggling and need support, maybe you will give me a call?

Heal while you sleep

Generally, it is recommended that we have at least eight hours of sleep a night. That’s a third of our 24-hours day. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always get eight hours, even if I get to bed at a reasonable time. Why do many of us have trouble sleeping? I want to address this a little closer.

“Sleep is the best medicine.” – Dalia Lama.

Sleep is essential, and there are many health benefits. There are lots of literature on this topic and many helpful articles. Some of the advantages of a good night sleep include; rested body and rested mind, improve memory, concentration and cognitive functions, lower your blood pressure, reduces heart diseases, stress, depression and increase immunity. You will also be happy to know that a restful sleep can lead to weight loss as your body continues to produce hormones ghrelin and leptin while you enjoy your slumber.

During the nocturnal hours, your body’s naturally crave sleep because your internal biological clock or the circadian rhythm is synchronised with the day/night cycle of the diurnal rhythm. The circadian rhythms determine our physical, mental and behaviour changes in the flow of the 24-hour cycle. It is essentially your internal biological body clock. Whereas the diurnal cycle is any environmental pattern that recurs every 24 hours as one full rotation, such as the day/night or the high/low tide. Thus, it can be seen as an external environmental clock.

When these two rhythms are synchronised, your mind, body and state will benefit from nature therapy. As you sleep, your body works to repair your internal organs, muscles, cells and regenerates. Melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the pineal gland during sleep. Deep in the brain, near the epithalamus, situated above the thalamus, is the pineal gland, also known as the ‘third eye’. Melatonin also helps to control your circadian rhythm and regulates health and healing hormones. Thus, you can heal yourself during your sleep.

There are many reasons why people experience sleeping problems from mild, acute to chronic sleep disorders such as insomnia, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome or REM sleep behaviour disorder such as sleepwalking.

The inability to sleep or sleep well at night depends on your internal and external stressors, mental states, food that you have eaten and health condition. Many other factors also prevent us from sleeping, include anxieties, traumas and crises can interfere with our sleep habit as we lay down to rest. Unfortunately, this cacophony rings in our mind, and it can ruminate in the psyche as we sleep, becoming a nightmare that disrupts our natural healing process. If you take your woes to bed, when you close your eyes and managed to get a wink of sleep, it won’t be long before the problem invades your dreams. What you mentally think about will become your mental reality within the dream state.

Many of us have trouble sleeping because we take these problems to bed with us. I’ve done it. I had a bad day and could not shake off something that happened that day. As I replayed these in my mind, in bed, they became my nightmare.

Have you ever gone to bed after an argument? Or, after emotional distress such as being made redundant, how did you sleep? Restless, I wager.

How to heal yourself in your sleep? Let me share what works for me.

  • Pre-bedtime slow down

Have a goal in mind for your bedtime (sleep time). This is a time that you want to be in bed, lights out, eyes shut and breathing easily.

Make your preparation for slowing down and winding down. Begin to relax.

Have a glass or bottle of water ready for bedtime, if required.

Keep other electronics blue lights out of the bedroom, as this disrupts the sleep cycle. Turn off electronic devices.

Brush your teeth and have your comfort break. I often find that washing my face often help. If you are a night-time shower person, this works, as water is soothing and calming.

Get into your PJ if you wear clothes to bed.

  • Build a bedtime ritual that works for you

I firmly believe that rituals are helpful. Have a bedtime routine and pattern that you stick to help you build a structure around your sleeping habit. I cannot stress the importance of sticking to your routines and think positively about enjoying the mundane.

For me, I have a bedtime alarm set daily at 22.00 hour. This gives me half an hour of downtime before I get in bed at 22.30.

  • Make time for relaxation or meditation before bedtime

I give myself around 10-15 minutes for relaxation. In that time, I may mediate or listen to soothing, relaxing music to ease myself to sleep. You might find my Evening Review meditation script helpful. Some people watch TV in bed, I think it is a personal choice for everyone. Some people read to relax. The trick here is not to be engrossed in the activity.

  • Self-Hypnosis and breathing

By 23.00, lights out for me, regardless of whether my husband or I am ready. I turned off the light.

I have trained myself to sleep as soon as my head is on the pillow. I can be fast asleep almost immediately in bed. But occasionally, might not be able to get to sleep. I noticed that I had ruminated over some event during the day or upcoming. In this instance, I recite my script and begin self-hypnosis or observe my breathing. I focused on my breathing, the rise and fall of each breath, and counted backwards from 100 to 1. I have never reached number one because I was always asleep way before this.

Then, you simply allow the body to do the rest. The more you relax when you are in bed, the more your body heal. God bless, sleep tight.

However, I am aware that some people have adverse experiences due to historical trauma and wounding. If this is your case, I would recommend seeking further help through counselling, as these bedbugs will continue to disrupt your sleep.

“Sleep is the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together..” – Thomas Dekker.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

Motivation is Key

Motivation is the key to many reasons for our action and behaviour—here’s why.

Motivation is a drive that guides, influences, initiates, and stimulates our action and behaviour. It is the cause of the effect. It is a force that inspires you to action, whether this is to get out of bed in the morning, exercise or taking up a new hobby.

When you are motivated; the emotions are engaged, allowing the mind to become creative, thus allowing social connections to activated behaviours.

You may lack motivation for any number of reasons, whether it is due to depression, worries, avoidance or simply lack of interests. The reasons you lack motivation is mostly unconscious. The current mental strategies learned in the past have outgrown their resourcefulness. They become ineffective and you just need news ones.

Here are some new ideas and the keys to motivations. Give them a try, and see what works for you.

1. A good enough reasoning.

You need your own good enough reasons to get motivated. What is your good enough reason to get out of bed in the morning? You could stay in bed all day, for sure? But, then, you will be more tired, lethargic and hours of excuses later, you’re still in bed! Feeling lazy and cannot be bothered to get up or get dressed.

Thinking yourself contented is an illusion of the mind keeping you stuck. Motivation is a good enough reason to act or behave in a particular way in order to accomplish something desirable. It is an energetic force that encourages and promotes movement and reaction to planning, implementing and doing. The narrative that drives motivation is mostly positive.

Any reason to get out of bed is a good enough reason. Perhaps you need to get to the bathroom. Perhaps you need a glass of water. Whatever the reason, it is done, you’re out of bed, aren’t you? It is not worth going back there, you will not be able to sleep for a while now that you awaken.

2. Soothing sounds of the opposite.

Whatever your excuses that you used to tell yourself not to get out of bed in the morning, do the opposite. Whatever justification that you have given to yourself for delaying or avoiding taking up exercise, do the opposite. However, you conclude the rationale behind your lack, it is essential that you speak to yourself, kindly. Whispers the benefits of taking up exercise. Incite excitement in visualising trim waistline. Encourage yourself to go out walking, running etc.

Kindness is one the recipe for motivation. It is a beneficial interest that you are kind to yourself rather than dictating yourself to do something. When you speak, lovingly, to yourself, it is the soothing melody to sweet co-operation.

3. Rebelling against helplessness. 

Feeling overwhelmed by helplessness dampened motivation. Helplessness is a struggle when we feel a loss of control. The loss of control is a result of an internal struggle. Rebelling against feeling helpless is the natural proclivity to eliminate the psychological attachment.

Acknowledging your helplessness, without accepting the hopelessness of the situation is the conscious approach to breaking free from this mindset. You may be helpless about your expanding waistline, but, you are not hopeless in changing and doing something about it. Believing that you are not helpless is motivating. Then, you will be able to see solutions, plan, and act on a desirable, and achievable outcome.

4. Rethink the mundane.

Exercise may seem mundane through repetition, just as doing cleaning or chores. Nonetheless, these mundane tasks need to be addressed in the psyche. What you think influences your participation and action. If you think that the mundane is boring, then it is. But, if you rethink the mundane to be fun and enjoyable, then it is. Easy.

Reframing your thoughts and thinking patterns helps you to become motivated. Thinking of the desired goal in mind is the best way to approach the mundane. Thinking about fitting into the smaller sized clothes. Thinking about feeling great from the induced endorphins. Think about a clean and neat home rather than the action of cleaning. Think about a full fridge rather than trolling through the supermarket. Think about feeling refreshed and invigorated from the shower rather than the getting up and out of bed. Rethink your thoughts, and think only of things that motivate you.

5. Lack of motivation by attachment.

Many of us can deny that we have problem attachment. If you keep telling yourself something long enough, you will come to believe it. Don’t believe me, keep denying yourself that. What have you got to lose, but time, confidence, self-esteem and your volition?

Problem attachment is an unhealthy emotional dependency on something or someone. It is an unhelpful clinging on that is negatively pleasurable. The unresourcefulness of hoarding is an attempt to fulfil a feeling of lack, emptiness and loneliness. All of which discouraged motivation through numbing. As our feeling is numbed, you become discouraged and lose sight of a purpose and will power. As you are overwhelmed by difficult emotions, you become increasingly dissatisfied and suddenly you find yourself on a hamster wheel, going round and round in a circle becoming dizzy.

Let go of the hoarding. Let go of the negative emotional attachment to the object, thing or belief. Let it go completely and get rid of it if you can. Get rid of the belief by challenging it. Holding onto excessive body-weight, for example, might be an unconscious attempt to protect you from emotional pains such as grief, loss or abuse by shielding you with your body-fat. Address your emotional pain and then let go of the belief. Challenge your belief with questions like, is it absolutely true, is there a law that says your body-fact protects you from emotional pain?

How are you going to motivate yourself? What did you find useful or helpful? Perhaps these tips gave you the inspiration to come up with your own resourceful ways to motivate yourself. I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

“Act as if what you do, or the way you behave makes a difference – because it does.”

– William james