Category: Self-Development

Listen to your Heart-Mind

In Emotions, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Motivation, Self Help, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

Before I started my counselling and psychological training, I considered myself logical, practical and empirical. I thought that I was intellectually compassionate, articulately skilled and communicatively empathic. While that may be true, I later realised that I was ‘mind-identified’ and I am more than my mind.

I used to live in my head, and the majority of my decisions were made from cognitive rationale and intellectualisation. In so doing, I relied on the thinking mode to process, analyse, and make sense of things. I believe that we were conditioned and measured by our intellects, especially in educational establishments such as school, college and universities etc. It is the most tangible method of measurement in modern societies, it seems. But, it goes deeper than that. We were also taught in the family system, perhaps unconsciously. Remember the time when your parents make a comparison of your achievement against your siblings?

However, that may be, I think that the cognitive mind is just one part of the physical body. I believe that our physical body is the vehicle of the spiritual body. Both parts reside unanimously and cooperative as one harmonious dualistic being. Their composites are like the Taijitu duo, the yin and yang.

As a psycho-spiritual therapist, I believe that the physical body has two ‘minds’; the cognitive-mind and the heart-mind. Therein, the brain is the cognitive-mind, and the heart is the heart-mind. It might help if you think of the brain as the all-knowing ‘supercomputer’. Memories, experiences, and programmings are stored. Thus, the heart is the ‘operator’, the user, the decision-maker. Imagine making your decisions from the heart. Henceforth, I want to discuss the concept of heart-mind further because I believe that this is the primary and the brain is secondary.

Researchers had proved that during the mitosis in the cell division process, after conception, the heart is the first organ to form in utero. As the primary organ, the heart developed a complex circuitry system using bloodstream to obtain nutrients and eliminate wastes to be transported to and from the embryo and the mother for growth. As the embryo develops further, other organs and system formed to complete the human evolutionary process, and the foetus is formed. It is not until after four weeks after conception that the neural tube is connecting the spinal cord to the brain to complete the foetus’ circuitry system. After which, the heart begins to beat. Therefore, the heart is more than a mere ‘pump’. It is from the heart that your emotions are associated.

Although the concept of the heart-mind is not something new to metaphysics, it is less well known generally. When I began my training as the Body Code practitioner, I appreciated energy works and energy from the heart.

The heart has an energy centre known as the Heart Chakra or Anahata, is located near the heart area. The heart emits energy from the body. The electromagnetic field produced by the heart is more than 60 times greater than the brain. The auric field exerts about 12 feet outwards. The heart is symbolic to love, compassion, kindness, warmth and much more.

If we can relate to people from the heart, image what that would be like. If you can find a way to relate to others with the heart, how would you feel?

Personally, for me, this means deep empathy and loving feelings. I am talking about unconditional love, pure love, without any peremptory request or demand. You might want to understand your love language before you carry on reading.

When your heart-mind emits love and compassion, in accordance with the natural order of the universal law, specifically, the law of attraction, love will return to you, as it is received by another. You will notice signs of love in another person’s eye, and you will feel the emotions.

How do you listen to your heart-mind?

Ask yourself, how do you make decisions?

If you use your mind to think about making a decision, it is safe to say that you are not as connected to your heart-mind. If you take time to ponder a decision or find it difficult to make up your mind, you are probably mind-identified. Decision-making from the heart-mind often comes from a ‘feeling’ or an intuition. The heart is our source of love, creativity and inspiration. Sometimes, decisions from the heart are illogical, baseless, spontaneous and impulsive.

Before completing my MA, I attended a workshop from sheer curiosity. By the end of the day, my mind was made up to participate in the training programme. I’d made my decision based on a feeling. I did not consider how I was going to finance the studies or whether I could afford it. My application went in, and when it got accepted, the realisation of cost, time and commitment came into play.

Ask yourself, how do you feel about x?

Place your hand on your heart and literally listens to the harmonious, rhythmic heart beating. It should beat in a gentle rhythm, the soft sounds of the tempo should be melodic and not like an offbeat syncopation. Listen to your gentle, beating heart and notice your senses. Do you feel any tingling, flood of warmth or goosebumps? These are the sensation of energy moving through your body, surging and filling you with good feelings. A loving feeling has the highest frequency, as mentioned in last month’s blog.

If you have children, you should feel a mother’s love for a child. It is the truest, selfless love. It is often boundless, and there is nothing you would not do for that child. It is non-obsessional, non-sexual, healthy and unconditional. In an ideal world, this is the loving feeling that should experience growing up.

More often than not, our experiences are less than ideal. But, this does not mean that we can’t learn to connect to that unconditional love within. We can learn to love our inner child. However, If you find it challenging to feel unconditional love, perhaps you have a ‘heart wall’. A heart wall is a blockage to the heart. It is a (metaphorical) wall that we put up to defend ourself from heartaches. If you suspect that you have a blockage to the heart and love, you might benefit from emotional code sessions.

Learn to speak from the heart

Speaking from the heart will inevitably help. It may seem awkward and strange at first, but you will become more comfortable with practice. Speaking from the heart is not about talking ‘mushy’, over-sentimental or pretentious, but preferably with genuineness and sincerely. Speaking with feeling is speaking from the heart. It is about speaking your truth.

You might find it helpful to name the emotion and how you may feel when you convey it. For example, think of the word ‘nervousness’. As you think about this emotion, consider how it might also be to feel it in the body in response to feeling nervous. You might be nervous when speaking up in a room full of people or in a large group. As think about the things that you make you ‘nervous’, also, say ‘I am nervous about…because…’. In our example, you might say, ‘I am nervous about speaking up in a large group full of people’.

Say this a few times until you can really feel the emotion and feeling nervous. In your inner body, you might hear your voice becoming shaky, trembling a little bit. In your outer body, you might start to feel the bead of sweat running down your back and becoming flush or hot.

Have fun with the experience and try using other emotion and feel different intensity which different feeling convey. When you can elicit a sentiment of your words, you’d have mastered ‘speaking’ from the heart. Well done!

Use the I/Thou language

When you speak to others, notice your language, the word you use and in what context. If you can relate to others from an adult to adult, not from an adult to a child or a parent, you are halfway to using the I/thou language. This concept simply means speaking to someone compassionately while taking responsibility for your feeling, words, and language. Here is an example of an I/though language:

I – When you shout, I find it difficult to understand you fully, and it hurts my feelings.

Thou – Although, you are shouting at me, and blaming me. I strongly object, and I do not take it personally. But I also feel angry and hurt at the way I am treated by you.

I know it is challenging in a situation when you are at the receiving end of a barrage of emotional attack. Suppose you can address the problem objectively, without taking it personally. In that case, it is the best way to get your point across.

Watch your conscious and unconscious thoughts

This is probably the most important tip. Believe it or not, but your thoughts are being heard by others. Even if you never speak it, what you think about consciously is being received ‘telepathically’ by the other person. We unconsciously broadcast the ‘unspoken’ conscious thoughts into our energetic field.

Have you ever wonder why a bully picks on someone? It is because they are attuned to receiving the negative self-abuse from others. Suppose you consciously think about being hurt by others, feeling insecure and unsafe with another. In that case, you are sending out negative broadcasts. This could also be conveyed in your body language and body posture.

Negative broadcasts are something that I am aware of. Still, I was unaware that even though I thought of myself as altruistic, I was broadcasting, ‘I am unimportant’, and ‘I am not safe’. These vibrational frequencies were stuck within the body, which I had to eliminate through energy clearing.

Now that you have an awareness that our conscious and unconscious thoughts impede speaking from the heart – watch what you think. As the messages are broadcast, like a radio tower. Your heart cannot communicate soulfully.

I hope that this blog has been helpful, and if you would like more details about energy work or energy healing, please contact me for more information.

If you would like a personal experience of an energy healing session, please visit Energy Works for more details.

“Thinking about love is not the same as having loving feeling. Thinking about love is an idealisation. But, feeling love is unconditionally so powerful that no word is necessary.” – Patch Welling.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

Raise your emotional frequency for wellness

In Emotions, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

In my blog last month, I discussed making emotions and feelings our friends rather than the enemy. I want to add to that further by looking at the emotional frequency and their importance.

In the 11^th century, a Benedictine monk called Guido d’Arezzo pioneered frequency scales from specific tones of musical sound which became known as the Solfeggio frequencies. The frequencies have been used throughout history, both in Western Christianity and Eastern religions by Buddhist monks and Indian Sanskrit in prayer and chants.

Research has proved that the OM Mantra, for example, was made up of frequencies that induce gamma waves which support mental wellness. In this peaceful waking state, we are receptive to cognitive processing, problem-solving and heightened perception.

Growing up with traditional Buddhist practices, I often thought that attending the temple for prayer was tedious. However, as I sat through the Thai Buddhist monks chanting, I instantly felt mentally relaxed, peaceful and calmed. The melodic sounds of the chant were mesmerising.

The sound frequency has a powerful effect on our emotional body. Thus, the emotional frequency will inevitably have an influence on the body-mind.

The body, feelings and mind are connected to the soul (or spirit) as wholeness.

I found that when feeling overwhelmed, I am unable to think logically or clearly. My body will react in response to the mental shut down. Physiologically, my heart would beat furiously, quickening the breath. My muscles tighten, and the body becomes hot and flush. Emotionally, I feel panicky, stressed, anxious and possibly fearful and embarrassed by the reaction of the body. This was when I realised that the emotions have gotten ‘hold’ on me. In this state, it feels like I a drowning. The body-feelings-mind interact in a wholistic system governed by the laws of cause and effect.

I’m here to share that, in whatever state, mood, or disposition that you find yourself in, you do have a choice. Amongst feeling overwhelmed, there will be a quiet, soothing ‘inner voice’ that asks whether you want any help. Some may say that this inner voice is your intuition. I know this part of myself as my ‘soul’ or ‘spirit’.

Recently, while working with a highly emotional client, I learnt to accept that some people DO not want help, even though a part of them got them to my therapy room. The client is simply not ready, willing or able to give up on their subconscious gain. This is fine by me, as I realised that I am not a rescuer. As a therapist, I am a facilitator. I facilitate healing, wellness and holistic processes.

With that in mind, I learnt to let go and just trust. Trust that I will simply know.

What is emotional frequency?

An emotion is a ball of energy, varying in size and shapes. Energy moves around the body as vibrational frequency. It forms and transforms, it changes, interchange and impermanent. It flows around your body around your morphic field, also known as the aura. Depending on the situation, circumstance or experience that you are facing, the emotional energy may circulate around an organ or meridians. If the emotions are suppressed, repressed or disrupted from expressing, it will become lodged within a specific area in the body.

Emotional frequency or emotional resonance is the vibrational frequency that emotion generates, which I came to know as energy frequency. Each emotion has an energy which generates and measurable as a frequency in Hz (hertz), used in connection to energetic currents, electromagnetic waves (light, radar etc.) and sound.

Love, for example, has a high frequency around 500Hz, whereas, fear has a low frequency at 100Hz. When you feel love for yourself or others, you cannot and will not feel the fear. Thus, it is worth choosing a positive feeling or emotion, which is better for health and wellness.

How to raise your emotional frequency?

I recently became qualified as an Emotion Code Practitioner and found that emotions can be released quickly and effortlessly.

Here are ways to raise your emotional frequency.

Be open-minded

Being open-minded is a willingness to consider new ideas or concepts without prejudices. An open-minded person will have the ability to considered other perspective, can be empathetic, to others, even if you disagree. In this state, you are flexible in your approach to learning and accepting new options, opportunities, suggestions, and inspirations. With an open mind, you will see things start to manifest, as you become receptive, you will attract like for like.

Stay hydrated

Have you noticed when you are very upset, your mouth dries up? To raise your emotional vibration, you need to remain hydrated so that your body as flush out toxicity.

Feel the love

Love has high frequencies which are beneficial to instantly lift your moods and emotional frequencies. When you feel love and appreciation, negative or low frequencies cannot exist at the same moment. If you find it difficult to ‘feel love’ trying doing something that you truly love. A loving feeling is a feeling of immense happiness, joy, connection, fulfilment, fondness, warmth, and tenderness. It is a blissful feeling towards someone or something. A true loving feeling is unconditional and unbounded. For me personally, I love water, nature and the sounds of a Wren singing in the distant, as I bathed in the warm sunny sky. You get the picture.

“Love is all there is. Let love be the driving force in your life.” – Unknown.

Feel the gratitude

Gratitude has high frequencies also, which can instantly transcend your emotions. It can instantly lift your low moods to a good mood. But, you have to really believe and be grateful. There has to be an element of humbleness within this process in order to feel thankful for something. For example, showing appreciation for your good health, being appreciative of your partner, be thankful to your family and friends by simply saying it out loud. I feel grateful for my good health. I feel grateful to my partner for his love and support. I feel grateful for my family. If you find it hard to say that you are grateful to the person, say it in your mind – they will receive the feeling all the same. Make a list of the things that make you grateful.

Find your Mantra and Affirmation

You can build a mantra, an affirmation or prayer into your daily life that includes feeling love for yourself and others. A mantra can be something that you repeat during meditations, walking, exercising or when doing a mundane task. An affirmation is a statement that you keep repeating until it becomes second nature. A prayer can be anything that you say with closed eyes to God, The Higher Power, Holy Spirit or the Universe.

Example of a mantra might be: Letting go is easy, Emotions are friends, Emotions are energy, and like all energy – it too will pass.

Example of an affirmation might be: I express my emotions healthily and freely, I am free to express how I feel, I am responsible for the way I feel.

Example of prayer might be: Dear God/The Higher Power/Holy Spirit/Universe, please give me the strength to be with my emotions, to process my emotions healthily, to heal.

Have fun, smile and laugh

Laughing is potent and instantly uplifting. It has many health benefits, physically and emotionally. Most essentially, it is contagious, so be warned.

Some of the things that make me smile include looking at pictures of my loving children, looking at a picture of myself as a toddler and listening to soothing music. Having fun for me simply mean doing fun stuff such as making a dress, getting my hands dirty working with clay pottery or playing charades. The thing that made me laugh is a slap-stick comedy, but not something like ‘Jackass’ or ‘YBF’ where someone or something is being hurt or falling. Find your laughter. Find your smile and find what is fun for you.

I have not included the usual practical approaches such as meditation, exercises, eating healthily to the list above on purpose because they are all common practices that everyone should regularly adhere to for positive mental health and wellness.

If you would like a personal experience of an energy healing session, please visit Energy Works for more details.

“Love is the only force capable of transforming enermy into friend.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

Emotions are friend, not foe

In Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Emotions, Inspiration, Self Help, Self-Development, Wellness

According to the American Psychological Association, emotion referred to an intricate state of experiential, behavioural, psychological and physiological patterns responding to thoughts and stimulus. Emotions are subjective and profoundly influential to an individual. Depending on our biological makeup, emotions are biologically associated with the central nervous systems brought on by neurophysiological triggers from our cognition, learning style and conditioning orientation.

Unlike ‘feeling’, emotion can affect our moods and our body. This does not mean that having feeling for something or about something is any less significant. It is just that feeling refers to a self-perception of a specific emotion. Thus, you can have a feeling about emotion, and you can also have feelings about the way you feel; therefore, it originates in the mental construct. Whereas, emotions, on the other hand, is experiential, behavioural, psychological and physiological in nature. However, for the purpose of this blog, I will use emotion and feeling interchangeable.

The emotional intensity of an experience or event depends on your intrapsychic tendencies. You may have a proclivity of melancholy or cheerfulness. If your childhood environment were happy and nurturing, you will be more likely to have a cheerful disposition. But, if your childhood environment were hostile, less than ideal and traumatic, you will be more likely to be melancholy. However, this does not mean that you cannot change, break free from the cycle or that you should accept the past as something that will also happen in the future. Whatever the future will depend on your present. You can choose how to be, how to feel, and you can choose your emotions.

With volition, you can decide healthier, helpful and happier emotions. However, this does not mean that you simply dismiss, disregard or repressed the difficult emotions though. It is simply about being aware of emotions; recognise it, name it, feel it and express it. If you feel like crying, don’t let anyone tell you not to cry. If you feel anger, don’t let anyone tell you not to be angry. Feel the fear and move on. Keep calm and carry on. And make friend with your emotion, not foe.

How do you go about choosing healthier, helpful and happier emotions, you say?

Recognising that you will have an emotion

To recognise an emotion, you simply need to acknowledge it. Realise its validity, its existence and legitimacy to manifest. When you notice that you will have an emotion about a situation or that you are about to have an emotional experience, see what is going on around you, observe the situation, listen to what is happening within and outside of the body.

Name your emotion

It often helps to name our emotions. This is because emotion has an energetic frequency. Love, for example, has the highest frequency at 528 Hz, whereas the frequency for fear is around 100 Hz.

It is worth naming your emotions to bring awareness to the frequency thoughtforms. Naming the emotion gives legitimacy to the experiences that you are going through, especially if the intensity of the emotion is high. Being conscious of your emotions also means that you can then choose how you want to feel. Then you can check whether your physiological, biological, psychological and behaviour are in equal measure to the trigger or whether it is too excessive or too extreme for the situation. Thus, you will realise your response in connection to the feeling felt.

Expressing your emotion

Since our emotions are our cue to what is going within ourselves. It makes sense to process them accordingly. A way to process emotion is to allow it to be expressed. That means you will need to allow yourself to feel the emotion. If you have not heard of the phase – check out these books, Feel the fear and do it anyway, Smile at Fear. It is once you realised your emotion that you can then express them healthily. Suppressing our emotions and feelings would be liking holding a buoy underwater. It will eventually surface, maybe tomorrow, the day after or the next time you are faced with a similar situation that triggers the same emotion. The problem then is that the emotional intensity has grown, doubled in size, which may lead to exaggerated behaviour or reaction. In simple term, let your emotion be, honour yourself and be brave by being with your emotions. They are simply a part of you that needs releasing, loving and let it be. If you can clear to love your emotion, you are on your way to loving yourself.

“I dont want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, enjoy them, feel them and do not let them dominate me.” – Oscar Wilde.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

Recognising and Developing Compassion

In Compassion, Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self-Development

To have compassion for others, one must realise Self-compassion first. Compassion is the ability to recognise suffering in oneself and others, and then taking action to alleviate the suffering through kindness, understanding, and love.

In today’s society, with many diverse inequalities, it may seem difficult to have compassion or empathy, but it is probably needed the most. It is the most undoubtedly positive quality than bitterness, anger and resentment.

Qualities of compassion promote positive emotional response and mindset; however, it should not be compared to empathy. Compassion is a deep feeling for oneself and another person, whereas empathy is the ability to be alongside the other person, or in their shoes. The emotional response when perceiving suffering in oneself or another triggers an authentic desire and wishes to take action, to assist, to alleviate and to help – but not to eliminate or deny.

Even if you do not think that you have compassion, the good news is that being compassionate is a skill, just like many which can be developed and learned.

But how does one recognises or develops compassion for oneself?

Be kind to yourself and others

I consider being kind to oneself as the most essential part of having compassion. It is a daily practice that takes lots of discipline, especially if you have a proclivity to beat yourself up. It is a process that takes patience to develop warmth and understanding of our sufferings, failures and inadequacies. It can be challenging to be mindful of the automatic negative thoughts that had previously been inclined to look at imperfections and flaws. But, it is with kindness, gentleness and acceptance that our emotional response will change toward ourselves first, and then our compassion for others will shortly follow.

Practice acting and behaving compassionately

Practice mindfulness and notice when you not being kind to yourself. Mindfulness is a conscious awareness of one own’s state by observing one’s thinking and thoughts. It is a willingness to be truthful to oneself and one’s perception. And when you noticed that you belittle yourself or experienced feeling frustrated with yourself; you simply notice it. Have an awareness of what was said, and the feeling felt. Then, gently recognise that making a mistake is inevitable and acceptable. Recognise that perfection is an illusion. Recognise that you will forget to observe your automatic thoughts at times. Recognise that through practice being aware of your thoughts, you will shortly notice them quicker. It is through awareness acceptance that your emotional response will become positive.

Avoid judgement and criticism of Self and other

Notice your use of language and those automatic thoughts that cause negative emotions or painful feelings such as anger, doubt, guilt, hurt, or shame. Words, thoughts or labels that might be used in the internal dialogue such as ‘I am so bad…clumsy, stupid, etc.’ are just some example to watch out. Stop using those negative criticism and judgement against oneself, and others are ways to develop compassion, through awareness and recognition.

Be honest and altruistic

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself when you failed to recognise self-criticism or negative labelling. If you deny your mistake, you are ultimate being dishonest with yourself. Being honest about your failings, errors, and imperfection is part of learning and development. Being truthful about how you feel about failures help you confront the mindset associated with the experience. For example; if you failed a test/exam and you get angry with yourself for the failure, there would have been an associated thought accompanying this mindset, such as ‘Failing means I am useless’, which should be addressed. Recognising those thoughts and feelings is an honest way to deal with them. Being truthful in your reflection and observation are signs of honesty for your failure, which is the quality toward self-compassion.

Do not set yourself a timeline

Being compassionate is an on-going process that promotes positive health and mental wellness; thus cannot have a time limit. Having compassion for oneself and others should be an on-going process of personal development. It is a quality that helps you in relationships, and it is a positive experience that changes your thinking pattern and developing altruism. If you set yourself a timeline, you are essentially putting a limitation on your growth and development, plus a whole load of unnecessary pressure and anxieties.

All learning starts with YOU, and then you influence others through your engagement and social interaction. Thus, compassion begins with Self-love, and then you can pass it forward. Once you recognised and developed self-compassion, you will soon find that you naturally develop compassion for others and the world.

“Compassion begins with Self-love and then it expands to encompass the people around you.” – Patch Welling.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

Behind the Covid-19 mask lies another dilemma

In Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Self Help, Self-Development, Uncategorized, Wellness

Don’t let wearing the COVID mask becomes your norm

“Virtue has a veil, vice is a mask.” – Victor Hugo

At the beginning of the year, some people began wearing masks as a prevention to the COVID-19 epidemic. However, as we start to realise very quickly how our lives have changed and will continue to change. What we used to know as ‘normal’ is no longer. Out with the old and in with the new, I’d say.

The experiences, feelings and emotions felt during those months of isolation can be overwhelming. The loneliness and isolation can be difficult for many people. The longing and yearning kick in, as a human being is essentially a social animal.

After months of lockdown, how can we begin to start venturing out? Some people are excited by finally being allowed to socialise again. Some people are still cautious and only go out to meet family and friends. Some people go out without care. However, many people manage to leave mindfully with respect and considerations for others by wearing masks.

“Nothing is more real than the masks we put on to show each other who we are.” – Christopher Barzak

I want to discuss the concept of masking in Psychology further.

Masking is a process which an individual uses as a way to deflect, hide or conceal their natural personality, traits and attitude to conform to the socially acceptable behaviours, depending on culture and societies in which we live. On many occasions, we are often unaware that we are even wearing a mask because of the way we were taught and learned. When we’d been conditioned to behave, think, or act in a particular manner, we can become so accustomed to masking that we might have difficulties finding our true Self. Just another actor acting out a part!

I could go into the psychological benefits behind why people preferred to wear a mask, but I don’t believe that it would be helpful to further strengthen the person’s psyche. What I prefer to do is to look at the positives and address the usefulness of removing our masks.

“When you wear a mask for so long, you forget who you are beneath it.” – Alan Moore

Some of those benefits include becoming authentic in your way of being, becoming open to directly ‘see’ the person with your heartfelt ‘sight’. When we are not wearing our masks, we are opened to our vulnerability, which is a positive quality, rather than defensively thinking that it is negative. It is when you are not coveted that you can expand your senses with a wider peripheral sensory acuity. Thus, when the masks are removed, you can see the world with Shoshin’s eyes. I’d come to these conclusions from years of training, experiences and dealing with personal challenges.

Fear not, I can offer some helpful tips to those individuals who’d like to remove their (psychological) masks – but keep the COVID-19 cover on (for now). Here’s how:

- - Be responsible for your action, reaction and behaviours

Taking ownership of anything that you do or say is one of the most empowering ways of removing the mask of your false Self. It is a simple act of Self-expression, and it is altruistic in your demonstration of transparency and honesty in the interaction with another.

- - Acknowledge your flaws and learn to love them

If you think that your bum looks big, or your belly is bloated, either do something healthily about it or learn and find a way to like your body. If you dislike your imperfections and flaws, you probably need to internally reflect on your belief systems. Acknowledging your flaws and learning to love them is a form of acceptance and love for the Self. Ask yourself, is it possible to be perfect all the time? Is it possible to expect that you need to do something perfectly each time? What a waste of your energy because it is practically impossible. Everyone, everywhere have flaws.

- - Find your Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance can take time to develop. It is with patient, understanding and love that you can find a way to accept yourself and things you dislike within or without. Find a way to assent to yourself, your body, your self-image, your abilities and skills, including your limitations. To have acceptance is to accept the positive and the negative about yourself as the way you are without having to change, do or act differently in situations. Acceptance is the acquiescence of Self – the Latin acquiēscere (to find rest in).

- - Discover Self-love

This is my most favourite, discovering Self-love. It is the most rewarding, with warmth and positive energies. It is also one that most people often find it difficult to express or acknowledge. Before starting my counselling/psychotherapy training, it was undoubtedly amiss. But, it is never ever too late to discover Self-love, whatever life position you are at. Love starts with you when you find your self-love, you will emit love for others and the world unless of course, you have a heart-wall (an energetic blockage to the heart). Self-love comes with many omnipotent experiences such as joy, happiness, playfulness, spontaneity and many more. Self-love also acknowledges all of the above.

- - Smile at yourself, and at your faults

Even if you don’t feel like smiling at yourself, it is worth doing it. See for yourself! Smile into a mirror and see inside yourself. What do you feel? If you feel positive, even though you have scars, stretch marks, birthmarks etc. then you are on the way to removing those pesky masks.

There are many other ways to take your masks off. Perhaps you have found another helpful way that works for you. I’d love to hear about some of the things that work for you.

Do you find this blog helpful? If you like this post, I love to hear from you on Twitter Page.

Stay Connected for Mental Wellness

In Connection, Coping Strategies, Coping Strategy, Mental Wellbeing, Self-Development, Wellness

Establishing a connection is essential for many reasons. Whether that connection is with yourself, others, or nature?

According to psychologists, making a connection is extremely important for our overall sense of self, our emotional and physical health. Dozen of clinical researches have shown that people are generally ‘happier’ when connected in any form of relationships.

Therefore, connecting to others, ourselves and the world give us a sense of importance and belonging. Plus, it also helps to improve our mental wellbeing and building self-esteem in communication.

As human beings are a social animal, we thrive in social connection, whether in family, groups, community or society. A strong sense of connectivity with others is vital to our mental stability and survival tendency.

Having a connection in a relationship helps us build resilience, shared interests between two or more people, shared love, support, and encouragement.

Physiologically, people with strong ties or connections in a relationship have fewer health problems, less stressed, less depressed and improved mental wellness. Adverse to the effect, people who lack connection with themselves, others or their community have increased stress and depression, accelerated cardiovascular risks, loneliness, isolation and a higher chance of suicidal tendency.

Here are some simple ways to keep a healthy connection with the people around you to improve your mental wellness and reduce isolation and loneliness.

Regularly reaching out and maintain a regular contact

Swallow those pride and reaching out. Reaching out means making the first move. In so doing, you make a conscious and considerable effort to contact the person. You do so regularly while maintaining a healthy boundary within the relationship. It also means having a sense of how often you should reach out, unobtrusively. If it seems like you are the one doing all the reaching out at the majority of times, try to stay positive. You are reaching out to promote your sense of wellness by showing someone that you care. It is not a chore.

Plan a get-together

Make plans for a get-together or planning ahead is a great way to have something to look forward to. Planning ahead for an event gives us joyful feelings as our mind is excited by the future-focused possibility. The anticipation of the upcoming event encourages hope and optimism. These positive thoughts promote healthy mindset and reduce stress and anxieties.

Say that you care by showing gratitude

We love to hear positive feedback and words of affirmation. Say that you care, say that love someone makes a massive difference to the person receiving the kind words. Showing gratitude for the relationship by expressing kind words of affirmation. Say thank you is music to the ears. Be the first to say sorry for a small measure of differences or disagreements, without compromising your sense of self. Say you like about the person. Say what think is great about being in the relationship with them. Say that you appreciate their time, and talking to you is soothing to the soul.

Have a respectable boundary – give them space

Having a reasonable boundary for yourself and others is extremely important within any social interaction. Establish what you think is an appropriate boundary for you, and then check with the other person, what is a safe and comfortable boundary for them. A boundary is a two-way thing. It is not something that you can guess. It is safer to ask. It shows that you consider their needs. Then, act on it and put in practise by giving the person the space that they need.

Use a medium that is most comfortable for both of you

We may take for granted what is the best medium for us, but, it may not be the best medium of contact for the other person. Check what is their preference, whether this is via phone, Skype, Zoom, Email, SMS, Facetime, WhatsApp, Snapchat etc. Agree with each other when you first make contact, how the person wants to be connected.

Take advantage of social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr etc.)

Sometimes, social media is the best method to stay connected with someone distant. Take advantage of the social media application that you both preferred and keep the channel of communication open this way is another great way to stay in touch with multiple people, family, friends and the community. The interactions with social media is a great way to make special announcements or reaching out to a group of people for a response.

However, you decide to stay connected with the essential people around you, think about the good that you are doing in staying in touch. It shows that you care. And when we do something nice for others, even the smallest of thing such as staying connected to the person makes a huge difference to both your mental wellness and physical health.

Think of the joy in giving and enjoy.

Motivation is Key

In Coping Strategies, Inspiration, Mental Wellbeing, Motivation, Self Help, Self-Development, Wellness

Motivation is the key to many reasons for our action and behaviour—here’s why.

Motivation is a drive that guides, influences, initiates, and stimulates our action and behaviour. It is the cause of the effect. It is a force that inspires you to action, whether this is to get out of bed in the morning, exercise or taking up a new hobby.

When you are motivated; the emotions are engaged, allowing the mind to become creative, thus allowing social connections to activated behaviours.

You may lack motivation for any number of reasons, whether it is due to depression, worries, avoidance or simply lack of interests. The reasons you lack motivation is mostly unconscious. The current mental strategies learned in the past have outgrown their resourcefulness. They become ineffective and you just need news ones.

Here are some new ideas and the keys to motivations. Give them a try, and see what works for you.

1. A good enough reasoning.

You need your own good enough reasons to get motivated. What is your good enough reason to get out of bed in the morning? You could stay in bed all day, for sure? But, then, you will be more tired, lethargic and hours of excuses later, you’re still in bed! Feeling lazy and cannot be bothered to get up or get dressed.

Thinking yourself contented is an illusion of the mind keeping you stuck. Motivation is a good enough reason to act or behave in a particular way in order to accomplish something desirable. It is an energetic force that encourages and promotes movement and reaction to planning, implementing and doing. The narrative that drives motivation is mostly positive.

Any reason to get out of bed is a good enough reason. Perhaps you need to get to the bathroom. Perhaps you need a glass of water. Whatever the reason, it is done, you’re out of bed, aren’t you? It is not worth going back there, you will not be able to sleep for a while now that you awaken.

2. Soothing sounds of the opposite.

Whatever your excuses that you used to tell yourself not to get out of bed in the morning, do the opposite. Whatever justification that you have given to yourself for delaying or avoiding taking up exercise, do the opposite. However, you conclude the rationale behind your lack, it is essential that you speak to yourself, kindly. Whispers the benefits of taking up exercise. Incite excitement in visualising trim waistline. Encourage yourself to go out walking, running etc.

Kindness is one the recipe for motivation. It is a beneficial interest that you are kind to yourself rather than dictating yourself to do something. When you speak, lovingly, to yourself, it is the soothing melody to sweet co-operation.

3. Rebelling against helplessness.

Feeling overwhelmed by helplessness dampened motivation. Helplessness is a struggle when we feel a loss of control. The loss of control is a result of an internal struggle. Rebelling against feeling helpless is the natural proclivity to eliminate the psychological attachment.

Acknowledging your helplessness, without accepting the hopelessness of the situation is the conscious approach to breaking free from this mindset. You may be helpless about your expanding waistline, but, you are not hopeless in changing and doing something about it. Believing that you are not helpless is motivating. Then, you will be able to see solutions, plan, and act on a desirable, and achievable outcome.

4. Rethink the mundane.

Exercise may seem mundane through repetition, just as doing cleaning or chores. Nonetheless, these mundane tasks need to be addressed in the psyche. What you think influences your participation and action. If you think that the mundane is boring, then it is. But, if you rethink the mundane to be fun and enjoyable, then it is. Easy.

Reframing your thoughts and thinking patterns helps you to become motivated. Thinking of the desired goal in mind is the best way to approach the mundane. Thinking about fitting into the smaller sized clothes. Thinking about feeling great from the induced endorphins. Think about a clean and neat home rather than the action of cleaning. Think about a full fridge rather than trolling through the supermarket. Think about feeling refreshed and invigorated from the shower rather than the getting up and out of bed. Rethink your thoughts, and think only of things that motivate you.

5. Lack of motivation by attachment.

Many of us can deny that we have problem attachment. If you keep telling yourself something long enough, you will come to believe it. Don’t believe me, keep denying yourself that. What have you got to lose, but time, confidence, self-esteem and your volition?

Problem attachment is an unhealthy emotional dependency on something or someone. It is an unhelpful clinging on that is negatively pleasurable. The unresourcefulness of hoarding is an attempt to fulfil a feeling of lack, emptiness and loneliness. All of which discouraged motivation through numbing. As our feeling is numbed, you become discouraged and lose sight of a purpose and will power. As you are overwhelmed by difficult emotions, you become increasingly dissatisfied and suddenly you find yourself on a hamster wheel, going round and round in a circle becoming dizzy.

Let go of the hoarding. Let go of the negative emotional attachment to the object, thing or belief. Let it go completely and get rid of it if you can. Get rid of the belief by challenging it. Holding onto excessive body-weight, for example, might be an unconscious attempt to protect you from emotional pains such as grief, loss or abuse by shielding you with your body-fat. Address your emotional pain and then let go of the belief. Challenge your belief with questions like, is it absolutely true, is there a law that says your body-fact protects you from emotional pain?

How are you going to motivate yourself? What did you find useful or helpful? Perhaps these tips gave you the inspiration to come up with your own resourceful ways to motivate yourself. I love to hear from you on my Twitter Page.

“Act as if what you do, or the way you behave makes a difference – because it does.”
– William james